Building The Hitokiri
by Crystal Renee
Summary: What if Kenshin's sole purpose for learning the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu and becoming an assassin was vengence? Follow him in the transition from young Shinta into the most feared hitokiri of all time, and witness his final decision- to kill, or not to kill?
1. The Wound Is Made

Disclaimer: …………. You don't wanna know what would happen to Kenshin if I was the creator of RK……………..

Author's Notes: Okay. This is probably going to be a very very very dark story. And I'm changing some stuff around, to try a new approach to the whole thing. Hope this isn't too dark and tormented for you readers and please leave me a review so I know.

**Building the Hitokiri**

**Chapter 1- The Wound Is Made**

**_'She had sat alone in the darkness_**

**_She had sat alone on the floor'_**

Her eyes stung with the salty moisture that was pent up inside, trying in vain not to burst through and cause more noise. Silent, pleading cries escaped her mouth but became caught in her throat before they could make a ruckus. Slowly, with only the silent sound of the movement of clothing, she adjusted herself in the gloom of the dark, foreboding room.

Legs outstretched before her,her arms hung loosely at her sides and bent forward once they touched down as her hair of dark chocolate flowed over her shoulder and concealed her face. Her back was rigid and her muscles ached, fresh bruises and cuts symbolizing her battle that was recently lost.

The frail body of this young, teenage girl was marred with scars of the past, as well as those of the new. Her mind chewed vigorously at the reasons why. The memories all seemed to bleed together, melding with one another to make everything appear to be one long, haunting nightmare. But this one stayed long after she had awakened, to the point it seemed she had never slept.

Had it always been this way? Was her life always this nightmare, replayed each time in more vivid and excruciating detail just to scare her?

Despite her appearance of stationary rest, her eyes shot around, picking up small details, trying to remember exactly where she was. Her head ached violently, the thinking and processing only feeding the pain. But she needed toknow where she was.

It was completely silent outside of the room. She sighed. That meant that her mother had gone willingly, watching how she herself had been in trouble when she attempted to stand her ground. Her mother had always been weak because her children were used against her. This was the only flaw she hated about her.

A gentle pressure on her arm alerted her to another presence in the room. She fought with herself not to flinch but failed miserably.

"Sakura?" came a quiet, worried voice of a young boy.

Her head popped up. Sakura's crystalline eyes caught red hair and violet eyes, and she knew instantly where she had been thrown.

The twin's room.

Sakura looked at them, her tears blocked away for their safety. They didn't need to know what she went through, and definently not what she took to spare them. Both looked at her expectantly, but unlike the many times before, Sakura couldn't bring herself to smile for them. She had no way to reassure them this time.

"Sakura?" asked the girl, who stood to the other side. "Are you okay? How… what did daddy do?"

Her head reeled with ways to explain the situation. Sakura knew she could always tell them the truth, but that would completely defeat her purpose of hiding these things from their young, fragile minds. She could lie again, like she always did, but Sakura had a feeling they knew. She had a feeling that no matter how long she hid them from it, underneath it all, they knew.

"I'll be fine, Akane." She lied. "Shinta… you don't need to worry, either."

Both seemed unfazed, but slowly Akane gave way to her sister's lie. She stood and hugged her, then crawled into her bed. Shinta didn't give way to his older sister, and waited for Akane to sleep before speaking up.

"Why do you lie?" Shinta asked, his voice quiet for more than one reason. "You may be able to get Akane to stop worrying, but I know."

Sakura stared at her younger brother, her blue eyes searching his.

"You're my sister." He told her calmly. "I'm supposed to protect you, not the other way around."

Sakura shook her head. "You shouldn't have to protect me. I'm your older sister, I should be…"

Shinta cut her off. "No! I am the male, so I should make sure you and Akane are not injured."

"I want to protect you." Sakura told him. "And I have to."

Shinta looked at her before sitting down finally. He folded his nimble legs beneath him, and stared ahead. Sakura's brown hair blew with the draft around her face, slowly stopping before picking up again. He got whacked in the face a few times and moved away.

"Why?" Shinta asked, clearly confused. "Why do you have to protect me and why do you want to?"

Sakura sighed and looked at her younger brother, trying to come up with the correct thing to say. She knew what she wanted to say, just not now she wished to word it. Shinta was clever; he could rip her words to shred until they fluttered away with the wind if he wanted to. Therefore, she had to be careful with her wording or suffer the consequences for failure.

"Shinta, you know the saying 'like father, like son', right?" she asked, waiting for his response. It came in a subtle nod. "Do you wish to be like your father? I don't want you to end up like him. You're a good kid, full of innocence that should never be destroyed. You shouldn't end up like him."

Her brother glared. "Father wasn't always this way."

Sakura nodded. "No, but you can't deny what he is. A monster. Ever since… I can't even remember why this all started to begin with."

"I would never strike another without reason." Shinta assured her.

Sakura looked at him. "You say that now, but your still young. Your ways may change and I find the only way to protect you is to _hide_ you from how he is."

She awaited a response from him. Sakura, all though suffering from her natural anxiety, did not look away. She knew that he was not someone she needed to fear. The response she had given him was a logical one; clear of her dark, saddening voice and words, yet still a lot for a ten-year-old to grasp immediately.

So calmly, she sat.

Only her younger siblings could see her stronger side, but that could only last so long. Eventually, Sakura knew, after Shinta left to his bed and slept, she would run out to her best friend, Sae, for aide and support. Just like she always did. It was hard to take care of yourself when you were busy taking care of everyone else.

Face bent with lines by his brows to signalize his thought process, Shinta tried vainly to digest his sister's words. He thought through each word with careful precision, trying to decide exactly what he wanted to say in response. Shinta gave his sister a weary look.

"I don't like you getting hurt on my behalf, Sakura." He told her. "Even if you are my older sister."

"Go to sleep Shinta." Sakura said, standing up from her position. "I'll tuck you in, okay?"

Shinta's mood brightened at the prospect of actually being tucked in. He may be ten-years-old, but this had been a rare occurrence when he was younger. He accepted it whenever he could now. Shinta hurried over to his bed without further argument.

Sakura grinned happily. At least this could alleviate his fears for the night. She walked over, despite her pain, and slowly knelt besides her brother. She took a hold of his blankets, and pulled them slowly up to his chin. He snuggled deeper into the sea of sheets until he became comfortable.

"Don't worry, okay Shinta? One day, things will get better." Sakura kissed his forehead and then walked to the other side of the room.

She waited, in the gloom, collecting her thoughts and resting her body. The ache of standing slowly subsided into numbness, and Sakura continued waiting. I through the hazy dimness, with only the small threads of light peaking in through cracks in walls where the moon shone most bright, she saw that Shinta, indeed, had fallen asleep.

Collecting her nerves, she stood and inched toward the doorway. Her whole body listened for any indication that her father was up and about. A quiet snoring told her that he was sleeping near. Shakily she set her sweaty palm upon the doorknob. As she did she prayed she was being quiet enough not to wake her doom. Quiet as possible she pulled the creaky door open, closing her eyes in case a pair of angry black ones tried to glare at her.

Slowly, she cracked her right aquamarine eye, relieved that she saw no one. Sakura crept out, slowly closing the door to offer the minimum amount of protection to her siblings while she was gone. Slinking down the hall, she spotted the door. Her hand flew over the doorknob.

And then she heard a grunt and heavy feet dragging along the floor. Sakura's hair stood on end and from where she stood, she could see down the hall. She saw the large, dark looking figure closing in, and she froze in her movements.

Heart racing, body shutting down, and mind preparing her for the worst case scenerio, adrenaline rushed through her veins, urging and screaming for her to run. Sakura's head felt light, and her eyes widened into cerulean pools of fear and dread. All that ran through her head was the question of if she could put up with another battle that night. Sakura tried vainly to get control over herself.

Finally, she realized that whoever it was had slowed down. Without thinking, she had opened the door, shut it and sprinted off into the cool night, despite how the cold air attacked her throat. Sakura ran until she arrived somewhere she would be safe from her father. She stopped, her heart racing, hearing a thumping sound within her ear that came with the access blood that flowed through her body.

She was at Sae's front door. Her hand hovered it ina fist, prepared to knock, when it flew open.

"Sakura, what happened?" asked a hazel-eyed, dark haired girl. "I could feel you running here. What did he do?"

Sakura stared at her best and only friend with wide yes. She knew Sae had a strange gift when it came to her--- she always knew when she was running over or needed her help, no matter what. It had all started a long time ago, when fate decided to drop the two into the hands of loyalty, even though they didn't know each other. Sae had always said she had just felt that Sakura needed her help that day.

Sae took a tight hold of Sakura's arm where there were no apparent injuries and pulled her in out of the cold. Sakura obliged instinctively and allowed Sae to pull her into the living area. Leaving her friend there, Sae ran off to get the medicine. Obediently Sakura sat still and waited around nervously.

Sae returned a few moments later, gently cradling the supplies she would need to clean Sakura's wounds.She placed them beside her then commanded that Sakura face her again. Doing as she was told, Sakura felt Saetakeher face in her hands, going over her wounds with her eyes before shaking her head. She reached for a cool cloth and dipped it into some warm water. Sakura winced at the sting the cloth produced.

"Did you fight him this time?" Sae asked, her eyes watching as she cleaned the dirty slices in Sakura's skin.

Sakura simply nodded as a response. She didn't need to talk. Sae was sure to give her a lecture like she always did and she learned that it was no use to argue. Sae would always win their verbal arguments. Once, Sakura had found humor in the thought of Shinta and Sae arguing. But now was not a time for such musings.

"Sakura, he goes easier on you when you don't fight back." Sae explained. "Sometimes you need to learn when to back down. You could save your life one of these days. You keep placing more stress upon your body."

"I have to fight back." Sakura responded.

Sae's hazel eyes glared at Sakura, her anger and worry evident as she gently cleaned the bruises and scrapes on Sakura's arms. Her mouth was a thin, firm line. She pressed roughly but not too rough, against a small scrape as her form of silent punishment.

Sakura jumped.

"He'd go easier if you didn't fight. It only angers him more. It's his anger that causes him to beat you." Sae explained.

Sakura shot her a look of being lost. "So basically he's angry because of me. If I left, do you think he'd continue to beat my mother, Shinta, and Akane?"

Sae shook her head. "No. It would only make him more loathsome toward them and his abuse would probably get worse."

Sakura dissected through Sae's words and tried to see if they held some alterior meaning. They usually did. Today it was that her leaving would hurt Shinta and Akane.

"How about if I died?" Sakura questioned quickly.

Sae threw down her rag in a rage; her normally gentle hazel eyes seemed hurt by the words, but they also held back her anger with strong restraints. Her hands fisted together and her knuckles turned white with the pressure she applied. Sakura blinked but her lost expression never changed.

"Don't you dare speak like that!" Sae hissed, standing so she cowered angrily above her. "Death does nothing, it only makes everything worse! I know you want this all to end, but think about it logically. If you died, who would protect Akane and Shinta? Shinta would give himself to protect Akane and your mother, just like you would do for them. Dying is only going to worsen the ways in which they're hurt. I don't believe you want to die. If you did, you wouldn't come to me when you're hurt."

Sakura stared disbelievingly at her friend. Her words had been strong and hostile, but not towards her. Sae's anger was directed at Sakura's father, the root of the whole problem. Her words were directed at the start of the pain, and her mind wheeled with ways to express it gently.

_'Sae is too gentle at times'_ Sakura thought.

Sakura dropped her head and her body began heaving with painful sobs. Her hands flew to her face and covered her eyes in a fruitless attempt at restraining her tears. They continued to fall unchecked from her eyes and through her fingers, stinging her cuts with the salty moisture. Her body shook, and Sae wrapped her arms around her gently.

Sakura cried on her friends shoulder, forgetting her need to be strong. Now was hertime to feel weak and seek the refuge of another, it was her turn to hide and her turn to release. Emotions pent up over years of a never-ending sleep, a continuous nightmare, poured from her soul. The broken spirit she held inside ripped away at her as if it was an angry, wounded bird fighting for freedom. Her tears were not spread just for herself, but for her entire being, for Shinta, for Akane, for her mother. She cried for them all.

While she continued to sob, Sae finished cleaning and dressing her exposed wounds, and checked her over once more. Sakura's tears slowly subsided and she glanced up toward Sae, her blue eyes puffy and red from the tears.

"I hate this part," Sae confided in a whisper, "but you have to go back home."

She stood, and closed her eyes, trying vainly to push out the horrid, fear stricken view of her friend. Sakura shouldn't go back, Sae knew, but she had not where to go. She couldn't stay with her. Sae had a hard enough time keeping herself afloat after her parents died and her sister moved to Tokyo. There was no way she could hide Sakura and take care of her at the same time.

"Maybe I'll see you." Sakura whispered before she walked outside.

Deciding there never was a real reason to rush back, Sakura sulked along slowly.

* * *

Shinta stirred slightly in his sleep, waking up to the sound of creeping footsteps outside of his bedroom door. He sat up slowly, looking at the dim light, which shone through the cracks around the doorframe and the door. He saw shadows; silhouettes of people moving almost mechanically slow outside. Immediately he checked to be sure Akane was still near. She was still asleep, even if she tossed her head vigorously in her apparent nightmare. 

A loud crash sent his wandering attentions back towards the door. He saw something land next to the doorway, a small cry of pain slinking into the room. Shinta threw back his thin blanket and stalked silently toward the door, his ears perking to any sounds that came from the hall outside.

"Where did you think you were going?" came an angry, gruff voice.

Shinta shuddered at the sound of his father speaking so maliciously to someone.

"None of your business, bast… I mean father." Came the weak reply from Sakura.

His eyes widened, shock instilling his body as he eavesdropped on the conversation, taking place outside of his and Akane's room. Sakura was going to be beaten for the second time that night, Shinta knew it. Part of him wanted to burst out of the room, but he knew Sakura had locked the doors to protect him and Akane. All he could do was listen and pray.

"Don't you dare speak back to me!" came the homicidal reply, followed by the deathly sound of flesh and bone against wood. "You are not permitted to leave this house!"

The shadows moved and Shinta watched them, his hands clenched into the cloth of his yukata as he listened. Fear fluttered around and thickened the air with tension when Sakura groaned.

"I went to Sae's to get some bandages." Sakura responded.

"Does it _look_ like you need bandages? I don't see any blood! I don't see any bruises!"

Sakura began to tear up. "Yes, sir."

"I asked you a question!" he yelled. "Would you like to answer?"

"No, sir, I do not see any need for bandages." Sakura state in utter defeat.

"Let me show you want blood looks like!" he seethed.

Shinta heard the sound of porcelain shattering against the floor, and recognized it as the vase they were all careful around. It was the only thing mother had left of her happier days of childhood. All the children were sure to take care of it.

"Why did you break that?" Sakura questioned in shock.

"Because," her father replied viciously, "I'm going to teach you a lesson."

Shinta kept his eyes glued to the shadows moving behind his door. Someone bumped roughly up against the rice paper door, and then another closed in. His eyes widened when he heard a hand digging through he apparent rubble left in the vases wake, and then a scream. It sounded gurgled, like bubbles of some liquid had stifled the inhuman sound.

One shadow slumped against its restraint. Someone pushed the body that was against the door and it tore through the thin rice paper, a head, shoulders, and torso tumbling in front of Shinta. His eyes grew wide as the body fell ungraciously to the floor before him. Immediate recognition filled his features as tears began to build up in his eyes. The head of the person rolled to face him, eyes wide and lifeless as blood continued to seep from the porcelain lodged murderously in the person's throat. Bubbles escaped around it, mixing with her brown hair that pooled around.

"Sakura…" Shinta whispered.

Another person shoved their way through the large hole in the paper door, making it bigger. Shinta set his attentions to that person instead of Sakura, who lay dead upon his bedroom floor. The person was his father, pulling his sobbing mother into the room. He tossed her over towards Akane, who had finally woken with the sound of the opening door. She was trapped now beneath her mother.

Shinta watched helplessly in the corner as his mother flung herself over Akane, trying desperately to spare her from the fate that Sakura now lay in as her skin turned to a deathly white. His father advanced upon them, and Shinta attempted to move but found himself glued to the place in which he was a spectator.

His mother was held at gunpoint until she moved. Akane tired vainly to hide beneath the blankets, afraid of the scene around her and the one that was bound to come. A hand gripped her tightly beneath her blankets, and yanked her up into the air by their hand. Her father glowered down at her.

"I'm sorry daddy… please don't hurt me daddy… don't hurt momma…" she pleaded with him, her eyes moist as he held her above the ground by her now aching arm.

He cocked the gun in his hand. The gun was only in his possession since he was a police officer around the city of Kyoto, and they were the only ones allowed to carry them. He held it close to Akane's temple, listening to her pleads for mercy.

"Be quiet, you little runt." He demanded.

"No…" Shinta's mother cried.

Bang.

Akane fell the floor, one side of her skull demolished as her life flew away from her. Shinta stared in utter shock, wondering if his father even realized he was in the room. His father dropped the gun and reached for the small kitchen knife he held in his tie that closed his clothing, before throwing hiswife onto the bed. She cried and begged for him to stop as he climbed above her, holding her down with the knife against her throat. She cried, her tears mixing with Akane's blood that soaked the blankets on the bed.

Shinta looked around for something to protect his mother. He had failed his sisters, but he wasn't going to fail his mother too. He found a small dagger lying in the hall. Stepping over Sakura's body he grasped it, unsheathing it and then walking back into the room. He controlled his anger as he walked to the backside of his father, who was sitting up on his mother while she squirmed beneath him and tried to push him off. He heard her cry as the kitchen knife his father held pierce through her arm, and then her other arm, before he lifted it above him.

"Don't fight me!" his father screamed at her.

"Please… don't… little Shinta…" she stated, not pleading with her husband but her son.

Shinta jumped with the dagger, embedding it into his father back, inches away from his spine. His father fell, the knife he was holding piercing through his wife's chest. She screamed once before she fell silent. Shinta pulled the knife from his father's back quickly, and held it to him.

_'I killed him,'_ he thought to himself.

"Momma!" Shinta cried, walking back towards the two bodies lying on Akane's bed.

His father stirred and stood up. Shinta fell to his bottom behind his father as he stood, turning to face him. His eyes were angry and nearly red with a look Shinta had never before seen. All he could do was hold the dagger out before him.

"You little bastard." He stated, nearing him. "And to think I was going to spare you because you could carry on the name Himura."

Shinta crawled away slowly, looking with fear stricken eyes at his father as he fell upon Sakura's body near the door. Shock instilling him with the sudden chill of death that filled his body, he scrambled out the door before his father could kill him in that room along with his sisters and mother.

He stood once he was out in the hall, and he began toheadtoward the door that would lead him out onto the streets. He could hear his father racing after him and he ran quickly, hiding behind a tree. He watched as he flew out into the street, his eyes scanning the area.

"I'm going to find you Shinta!" he screamed. "When I do I'm going to kill you. But until then, I'm going to report those murders of your sisters and mother, of whom you slaughtered in cold carnage."

Shinta watched as his father marched off towards the police station. Not sure what else to do, Shinta turned and ran straight into the forest, blocking the branches that scratched his face and sliced into his arms. He ran as far as he could away from the life he used to have, the one that Sakura had fought so hard to protect him from now being the one that infested his body. He ran away from the death that now surrounded his home, away from the people who would be searching for him now after his father lied about the killings.

He had nowhere to go, so all he could do was run. And that's what he did, he ran as fast as his feet would take him, as long as he could, before he dropped to the ground in painful sobs, crying over his broken life and the loss of those he held most dear.

Author's Notes: As you can see I changed most of the RK tale in this story. I'm tyring to keep all the correct characters but I'm probably going to do some age changing (as I have already done. Shinta was 8 when he met Hiko and now he's 10, so there's some age changing there). But I hope you all liked this.

Luv and hugs,

Crystal Renee


	2. Meeting Hiko

Disclaimer: … You don't wanna know what will happen to Kenshin if I were the creator…

Author's Notes: Interlude to this story is from a song by Staind. And I have to let you all in on a little image that has been bugging me since Sunday (thanks to you, Irene!!! ). Hiko, showing off and singing: 'I'm too sexy for my body, I'm too sexy for my shirt, I'm too sexy for my body, too sexy for you!!!' and then, according to Irene, he does 'a sexyiful pose and the women surround him'. That's been bugging me because IT'S HILAIROUS!!! O.O…And then Battousai started complaining about it not working for him and HE did a sexyiful pose… Ahh… the fun you can have over Yahoo Messenger…

**Building the Hitokiri**

**Chapter 2- Meeting Hiko**

**_'And I hide all the pain,_**

**_That I've gained with my wisdom'_**

A makeshift bed of browning leaves and greenstick branches lay next to a dying fire. Only a few of it's embers held the orange glow that originally engulfed the charred logs that now lay in the fire's wake, the wind blowing their ashes around hypnotically. Rain drizzled like ice from the smoky blue and black sky, stinging the ground as it sliced through the air.

Huddled underneath a roof of broadleaf branches and peeling bark was a darkened silhouette, shivering profusely from the extreme chill of the night air. He pulled his knees close to his chest, breathing onto his chilled and uncovered knees in an attempt to warm the flesh that was exposed to the ailments. Small, puffy red and violet eyes stared blankly at the fading orange of his fire. His hands were turning a purplish blue, and his cheeks were stained with the salt that was left over from his tears. Yet his chest still heaved, his heart still ached, and his body refused to succumb to sleep. In his mind he did not deserve such a thing as sleep, where all his pains could disappear and his sisters and mother could still be alive, where his father wasn't the beast he knew he was, and where he had never been forced to flee his family.

Shinta cursed the world around him in complete anger. Sakura had protected Akane and him, but yet he was the only one left. He should have died before either of them, or his mother, had. It had been his misfortune and now he had to carry with him the guilt of not trying hard enough to protect the only people he had in his life. He had let down the only people he had ever loved, the only people who needed his protection.

His frail body was nearly soakedto theboneas the rain had begun to slowly become more vicious. The drops painfully hit his already numb skin, but the young boy did not lift his red head from its resting place upon his knees. In his mind he deserved to die, deserved to sit there and rot in the tears of heaven, the tears of the angels over the loss of three innocent people that night. Shinta was not only overcome with sorrow, though, and his body heated up slightly with the feeling of loathsomeness and fury that had roused in his tiny heart.

Wanting to bury the emotions, Shinta had returned earlier that night to give the three young women their final resting places. Upon returning, though, he saw that his father had lit the home on fire, destroying every bit of evidence that there had been a murder caused by his hand. Anger and hatred had overcome Shinta's being, and clasping his small hands together, he forever left the home that had destroyed his life, leaving his father with one last word.

"Bastard." He had said before turning and running back into the woods he had been hiding in.

And that was how he had stumbled upon where he was now, watching the last ember of his fire hiss and then die.

Die, like everything else that was supposed to be solid in his life.

The tears he had been shedding had long since subsided. He had cried until there was nothing left in him to cry. That was when the rain had started. Part of him felt like the heavens were taking pity upon his poor soul, but he would never allow anyone to feel pity for him. He did not deserve it.

Finally allowing himself some peace in the chilling rain that bruised his skin, he closed his eyes, surrounding himself with the black he knew his sisters and mother would forever be gazing upon.

* * *

Morning dawned with no sun, only dark, billowing clouds threatening to storm upon the young boy yet again. Shinta had awoken long before the sun had begun to rise, and again he was traveling farther away from his home, farther away from the pain that still continued to numb his body, mind, and soul. That night had been a long night, and as he traveled he made up his mind. 

He would get revenge for his sisters and his mother. His father would pay for the death he caused that night, for the betrayal he had ensued. Shinta would make sure of that, and he would be sure his hand brought about the revenge, and that it would be just as painful to his fatheras the pain was for him now.

Shinta traveled warily, not listening to the aching limbs that cried out for him to stop, at least momentarily. He needed a rest, he knew it. He wasn't used to this kind of strict, non-stop traveling. He hadn't eaten since the meager meal he had the day before, and he didn't plan on stopping to eat any time soon. So he trudged farther on, sinking deeper and deeper into a raging pool of regret and guilt. His head began to hang lower and he continued on his trek, his hair covering him like the blood that had covered his family only a night ago.

Again the anger boiled and he fisted his small, weak hands together as a way of outlet for his pain and loathsomeness. Shinta had never known what it was like to hate someone the way he hated his father now. The emotion was overwhelming and blinding; one that was buried deep and would never be uprooted. He would always hate his father for what he had done with no remorse. Killing those he was supposed to be protecting and loving was a crime not worthy of forgiveness.

And yet, why had Kami spared him? It couldn't have possibly been because he ran; Shinta had been trying to convincehimself of thatas he stopped to look at the sky.

The black of the clouds merged in a swirling pattern with the navy blue of the forewarning sky, tinged with red from the bloody sun that was trying vainly to peak thought the dark of the clouds. The dark that had buried itself inside of Shinta and would soon be growing resembled that sky. It was a crock pot of swirlled emotions, blending together and making his decision.

He would kill his father.

Sounds of merriment and bustling people caused Shinta to lift his head suddenly. From the lush forest that hid him, he could see a town, the people all happy as they traveled about in families looking for things in the market.

Family.

Shinta fisted his hands together. He was jealous of them all. How come his family had to be so… different from everyone elses? Why couldn't his family had been the same-- happy and loving like the ones before him? His eyes caught a small girl, clad in the usual kimono of a purple hue, as she pulled roughly on her father's hand. Her father seemed to be in state of utter sadness, and her determined took intrigued Shinta. He wondered why her father was so upset. He was with his daughter, wasn't he?

"Papa, come on!" she pleaded, her black hair flipping over her shoulder as she spun around to face him. "We need flowers. For momma."

He shook his head. "Don't you understand, your momma is dead."

The little girl's face fell, her blue eyes resembling teardrops. "But we can at least put them at momma's grave… a gift for her."

Immediately Shinta felt guilty for his jealousy. Not everyone was happy. The little girl had no mother, simply her father. And her father was so upset; it didn't appear to him like he really cared what happened around him. His world was gone with the death of his wife. The little girl, though, even as she held a vivacious attitude, was inwardly fighting her own demons of her mother's death. She tried to be happy, Shinta could tell, just for her father.

He shook his head. There was no reason to mingle here. With on last glance at the young girl he walked on, to where he didn't know. He only knew that he couldn't stay here any longer, where the bushes were slicing away mercilessly at his weakened legs and the sights only made him feel worse than already did. Shielding his eyes again he continued on, pressing farther away from his old life.

Weakness drew upon Shinta quickly as his tender feet and tired knees vainly sent impulses of pain to his mind. The cramps in his legs did not affect him though, and he continued marching on as if he couldn't feel a thing around him. His mind was blank and it didn't register inhis headthat he was walking. Everything was blurring in his minds eye and he wanted it to stay that way. That way he didn't have to feel anything or comprehend his surroundings and he could just go on blindly.

That was all before he tripped, smashing his head roughly onto a nearby rock. He was knocked out cold, blood rushing from his skull where the rock had sliced through like a knife. His body rolled off to the side lifelessly, lying limply like a rag doll. His eyes were shut as the blood rolled over his eyelids and down his cheeks, along his neck and ear line, to the ground where it collected in a small puddle.

* * *

Shinta opened his eyes, and immediately drew his hand to his hairline. There were bandages wrapped around his skull in a careful yet messy manner, buthe hadn'tbeengiven medicine to alleviate the pain from the headache. Bandages were something Shinta had never used before, unless Sakura brought some from Sae's house. He sat up and groaned from the pain, balancing himself on one hand as he looked around from the thin futon that he was laying on. 

"You're the boy that everyone is looking for." Came a gruff voice from the corner of the dwelling.

Fixating his eyes toward a fire, he saw a man's silhouette in the brightly burning flames. He was big and burly, Shinta could tell, and his eyes were closed in concentration and meditation. Or, Shinta guessed, a hangover from the sake he had drank, which was evident from the empty sake bottle that lay rolling around next to him. Shinta sat further up on the futon, surprised to see his gi had been changed and a new hakama lay next to the futon for him.

"Sir… why did you do this?"

He opened his eyes. "I was hoping to turn you in to the police for killing the three women back in that little village. The witness, who is claiming to be your father, turned you in for the murders and burning down the home."

Shinta's violet eyes flew into slits after he successfully changed in the clean, dry hakama. "It wasn't me."

The man chuckled. "That was obvious. How could someone who is clumsy enough to trip over his own feet and give himself a concussion on a small stone be able to kill three women and wound a fully grown man?" he stood and walked over to him, his cape swirling around his feet before he pushed Shinta lightly. "Especially one so puny, with such a lack of muscle. I would say you've done no work at all. But I suppose there is always the possibly that you could have killed them..."

"I could not!" Shinta exclaimed with fury, catching himself before he fell from the shove the man had given him. "My father was not a good man! He's the one who killed my mother and sisters! I tried to protect them! I wounded him, yes, but his back was turned to me because he was trying to attack my mother and…"

"Then how did you escape?" he questioned as he reached for a new bottle of sake on the shelf. "If they all died, how did you escape?

Shinta immediately felt ashamed. "I… I ran." He responded, hanging his head. "I didn't know what else to do. They were all dead by the time he decided to go to me."

"You hold a great anger toward him."

"Wouldn't you?" he snapped back, his small hands fisted and arms shaking from the pressure. "Wouldn't you be angry at someone who hit you? Someone who murdered your sisters and your mother and blamed it on you? Wouldn't you want revenge on them, too?"

The man turned and smirked in a cocky manner, holding a sake bottle deftly in his grip. "You speak strongly and passionately for being only six."

"I'm ten!" Shinta shouted.

"Your anger is not toward me, it is toward your father." He stated.

Shinta scowled. He wasn't too sure that he liked this man, but he knew that he wasn't giving him a chance. So he let his fists loosen until he settled next to the fire and stared at it's dancing vivacity, reminded of the life that was stolen not to long ago. He pulled his knees up to his chest, wanting to cry but refusing to give himself the pleasure of such a luxury.

"Are you going to turn me in anyway?" Shinta questioned the man, not truly trusting his motives.

He looked up from his bottle of sake and stared across the fire at Shinta. "No, you couldn't hurt a fly. But I will help you."

Shinta stood. "How?"

"Say hello to your new sensei. I'm going to teach you the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu of kenjutsu." He smirked. "The training with be hard on you, and you're going to have to be strong."

"Is this a strong style of fighting?" Shinta asked, suddenly very interested.

"You cannot have a corrupt heart to take on this style, otherwise the technique and the special movements will be useless." The man explained. "And it is strong. It takes god-like speed to the battou-jutsu stance."

Shinta lowered his head. "Okay. I want to be strong."

"Don't let your anger blind you. I'm not training you to go kill your father for revenge. I'm training you to help you overcome this pain and you seem to have a fire in you that have been harboring. I want to see what this fire is." The man told him.

Shinta lifted his head. "Do you have any other students?"

"No. This technique is to have only one heir. I am the 13th master."

"What is your name?" Shinta asked him

"My name?" the man laughed, chugging some of his sake. "My name is Hiko, but you will call me Master. And you will be mybaka deshi."

Author's Notes: Okay, yeah, this was WAY shorter than the last chapter but I didn't want to just drag it on and make it boring. It got to where I wanted and I'm happy with that. But since I've NEVER written a story with Hiko in it I have no clue how in character I made him. I'm not too keen on his charcter (especially since I've only seen the episode(s) where Kenshin went to learn the Amakekru Ryu no Hirameki from him. And the episode where Hiko told Kaoru not to worry about Kenshin because he'd be fine) so you'll have to help me out here, okay?

And I would like to thank my four reviewers--- Human Chew Toy, Black Twilight, Little Devil 9, and Roaring Flames. Thanks a bunch for reading and enjoying. Hope you like the chapter. And sorry I didn't us your idea Roaring Flames, I already had my chapter started!!!

Well, later! Luv and hugs!!

Crystal Renee


	3. Goodbye Shinta, Hello Kenshin

Disclaimer: Dadadada!! FUZZY-SAMA!!! Do I own thee?

Battousai: If you owned me I'd kill myself.

Me: THAT WAS MEAN!! :: attacks fuzzy-sama :: TAKE THAT!

Battousai: :: writhes on ground in utter pain :: Ouch………

Author's Notes: Okay!!! So for CHAPTER 3. Whoa. I really hate this. I mean, I love this story to death :: huggles story :: BUT! I just got a new idea for a story today!! Which, in turn, not only gave me writers block for Silhouettes of Shadows, but ALSO on Breaking Through. Argh!! :: pulls hair :: Okay. I have NO clue how Hiko and Kenshin trained so I came up with my own……… strange way that probably would actually work. I dunno, I'm pshyco so I hope it's not bad. This is a hard but fun chapter to write. OH!!! And……… the interlude to this chapter is from a song by Evanescence called 'Hello'

**Building The Hitokiri**

**Chapter 3- Goodbye Shinta, Hello Kenshin**

**_'Hello I'm the lie living for you_**

**_So you can hide, don't cry'_**

Shinta held his bokken akwardly. He had never held a sword before, even a practice bokken. He tried to swing it with no luck, only stumbling forward gracelessly in his futile attempt. But Shinta wouldn't give up. He had just been handed the bokken and not much was expected of him, he knew that, but he had to prove himself to Hiko-sensei.

Hiko himself was sitting off to the side, trying to figure out how he was going to teach is new pupil. He wasn't sure yet. The boy was lean with aboslutely no muscle to him, Hiko had noticed, so he had to build some strength first. The boy had determination, that was for sure, and that was what would get him through the intense, and utterly painful, training it would take to master the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu.

"What is your name?" Hiko asked suddenly. "I sense it could be a problem."

Shinta dropped the bokken, almost happy to have it's weight out of his hands. He tilted his head in a way of confusion as he blinked back at his master.

"Shinta Himura." He responded.

Hiko shook his head and rubbed the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger. "I knew that was going to be a problem. From now on your name is not Shinta, that is too weak for a swordsman, especially one who will be weilding the technique of the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu. You're new name will be Kenshin."

"Kenshin?" Shinta questioned. "Why?"

"Because Kenshin is a better name for a swordsman, stupid pupil!" Hiko roared. "Your name will be Kenshin Himura, and I don't want to hear anymore about it. You will do as I tell you to, you will train when I say and you will not stop until I say it is time."

Newly named Kenshin nodded vigorously, his violet eyes wide as he watched his sensei stand.

"Pick up the bokken and go stand in the river."

Confused but not about to lose his only chance and learning this technique, Kenshin ran out to the river and held his bokken out before him.

Hiko was sure not to show any shock. "Have you fought with a sword before?"

Kenshin shook his head. "No, Hiko-sensei."

"You have a perfect defensive form." Hiko nodded. "But that doesn't help you when you'll be attacking me, you idiot!"

His eyes grew wide. "But I don't know any attacks, sensei!"

"Then you'd best learn. This is called resistance training. You have to get faster somehow. And face so that the current pushes agaisnt you. Don't you know anything?" Hiko growled.

Kenshin turned and exhaled loudly, taking time to weigh his options. Hiko was much taller, much more muscular, and much more experienced than him. And if this was true, then he was also a lot faster. He decided the best shot he had was between the legs and under the stomach. He had to land a hit, he knew it.

Closing his eyes he jumped forward and pushed roughly agaisnt the current, swinging the bokken up. Hiko went to block and nearly grinned until he felt pain as Kenshin changed his reign of attack.

Hiko fell back, screeching in pain. Kenshin stood above him.

"Was that good, sensei?" Kenshin questioned innocently.

Crawling out of the river, Hiko lay agaisnt a tree before lifting his eyes to his new pupil. Anger was seeded into his pupils.

"You're going to be," he squeaked, his voice high from his low blow, "in that river the rest of the day, running against the current and giving me as many practice swings as you can before sundown!"

"But it's dawn!"

"Don't you question me, you idiot student!"

"But sensei…" Kenshin persisted.

"You heard me!" and Hiko stood and hobbled off.

Kenshin let his bokken fall to his side. "I don't know how…"

* * *

Sweat beaded of his skin. Five thousand strokes before sun down while running against the current, Kenshin had counted. Five thousand painful, tiring strokes that didn't measure up to the number of muscles Kenshin felt piercing pains in, but yet it all left him wanting more. He had enjoyed himself, despite the pain and tiresomeness that now lingered in his body from the workout. He no longer held the bokken awkwardly in his hands, it just fit there like it was always supposed to be in his hands. 

"Stupid pupil!" came the cry. "Are you done yet? How many did you do? I expect at least two thousand!"

Kenshin turned to Hiko, wiping the sweat away from his brow and lowering the point of the bokken into the water. He had gone quite a ways upstream once he was able to run against the current, and it seemed that his master was just now coming to find him.

"I did five thousand, sensei." He responded.

Hiko stopped and stared. "Five thousand? Are you sure?"

Kenshin nodded. "Five thousand complete strokes, all excuted like this." Kenshin lifted up the bokken and swung it how he had been instructed.

"I'm surprised. Five thousand is a lot."

"You gave me from dawn until dusk." Kenshin reminded him. "Sensei, how long will I be doing this? How long before I learn some techniques?"

Hiko shook his head. "Stupid! You have to learn the basics first! You'll be traning under me for years, so don't get so hyped up yet. Now, I want you to run all the way back to camp. I want to see if your any faster yet."

"But sensei!" Kenshin whined. "My muscles hurt!"

Hiko walked up to Kenshin, annoyance clearly written out across his features as he grabbed his arm and yanked him from the river. He held onto Kenshin's arm and squeezed.

"You call these muscles? This is muscle." He said, pulling his cape off of his shoulders. "When your arms look like this, then you can tell me that your muscles hurt, idiot apprentince."

Kenshin's head shot down. This was going to be harder than he had orignally anticipated. But he promised himself that he would learn this to get revenge for the deaths of his sisters and mother. He clenched his fists tightly.

"How far do I need to run?"

"Seems you traveled at least three and a half miles running agaisnt the current." Hiko responded, sliding his cape back onto his shoulders. "But don't leave just yet."

Kenshin halted in mid step, he had just prepared to run. Why was he making him wait longer?

Hiko grabbed four meduim sized stones and with a rope, he tied them around Kenshin's ankles, two on each. Then he handed him two rather large logs to hold under his arms. Kenshin just stared up at his sensei, his expression asking if he was truly expecting what he thought he was. Hiko just gave him a grin.

"Now run back, you stupid pupil. We're using those logs for the dinner that you're going to cook." He told him.

Part of him wanted to complain, but he knew better. He would probably be dragging back more weight than he already was if he did. So turning and telling himself that he could do thise, Kenshin began to jog.

"Run!" Hiko howled.

Scared, Kenshin burst off quickly, jumping over roots that protuded from the ground around the godly trees. His sandals were wet and he slipped on the clean foliage around him, but he struggled to keep his balance. It was hard with the logs and stones, but he supposed there was a good reason behind this all. There had to be some reason that his sensei was forcing to do this. Kenshin knew he didn't have much muscle, but how would this help him gain muscle? All it was going to do would be to make him more sore the next day.

Sighing as he ran, Kenshin pushed the confusing thoughts from his head and continued on, focusing soley on the goal that had him here in the first place. To avenge the deaths that ruined his life. With this in mind he let the pain in his weak limps numb and forced himself on. Then with a renewed vigor, he continued on with the thought that three and a half miles wasn't that far. He could do this.

Author's Notes: Well…….. I was gonna get this to be longer but it just didn't work out. I hope this chapter was good. Again, no personal review responses, BUT I have to tell you that updates will be less and less. I joined cheerleading (oh my god, I never thought I would.) so my time is really sparse. But thanks for reviewing!!! I'll try to respond to reviews in the next chapter!!!

Love and hugs,

Crystal Renee


	4. A New Friend

Disclaimer: I don't own Kenshin. I borrow him. It just takes a long time to return him. I mean, with all the postage and stuff to send him ALL THE WAY BACK TO JAPAN………

Author's Notes: ALL HAIL THE SAMURAI X MOVIES TRUST AND BETRAYL!! I finally got to see them and now I'm bursting with more reason to write this story. And I'm starting to think about maybe putting Tomoe in here. I know I'm a full fledge Kenshin/Kaoru person, but I don't think Tomoe is all that bad. And the girl in chapter two wasn't meant to be Kaoru. The girl was six and Kenshin's 10. Kaoru is 11 years younger than Kenshin, meaning she isn't even BORN yet. I guess the characteristics were too similar. :: sighs :: She could be Kaoru I guess.Oh well, you all need to tell me your opinions. Most of that is far away, because I'm going to try hard with the training part. I don't' know if it will get boring or not so I'm gonna skip some time but yeah. The interlude to this chapter is from a poem I wrote today (Nov. 26th, 2003). I was having a bad day.

**Building the Hitokiri**

**Chapter 4- A New Friend**

**_'Haunting thoughts and memories,_**

**_Dying flowers and bleeding trees'_**

Kenshin stirred as the sunlight hit his face, his red hair not offering enough of a haven from the blinding light. He moaned and rolled over, trying to escape the brightness and bring in more sleep. A couple of hours didn't sit well with his tired, aching body. In the weeks that had transpired since he had found Hiko and began his training in the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu, everything had been hard on him. He wasn't allowed to sleep very long, and he was constantly stressing his already aching muscles. His sensei didn't appear to have much sympathy for him when it came to his training, and he was strict and tough with everything he learned.

Finally succombing to the fact that it was dawn, he sat up. He'd have to fix breakfast and pray that Hiko-sensei had not drank too much the night before. Everytime he had a hangover, Kenshin's training was made rougher. The basics were now instilled in perfect form and timing in his body, his bokken was officially a part of him. He had been warned that he wouldn't be holding the wooden weapon long, and he'd have to get used to a heavier katana. Shaking his head and finally standing, Kenshin walked out of the small hut he was living in and began to make a fire to cook left over fish.

Sighing, he thought over what was better. Was he better off before, or how he was living now? Now, of course, he decided. Hiko-sensei may be rough on him, and he may be strict, but underneath all that there was a slight tinge of compassion. When Kenshin had fallen off the stones by the waterfall and cut a wide gash into his leg, Hiko had been sure to take care of him for the few days it would take before he could use it again. Kenshin knew he was as he was for a reason, and that was to toughen him up and teach him never to rely on anyone but himself.

He fisted his hands together at the memory of his sisters and mother. That was the only reason he kept training as he was. He had to avenge them; he had to become stronger for them. Kenshin watched the flames from his fire grow and then he reached for the fish, placing them on sticks and roasting them. The first one caught on fire and burned to a crisp. Angered with his failure, he stomped the remnants of the dead fish into the ground around him. Then he lifted another one, and prayed for better results. This one's skin melted off and the weight all fell to the end, causing the fish to fall off.

His reaction was to reach in and grab the fish, but a hand pulled him back.

"You idiot, you can't stick your hands in a fire. You'll end up like that fish, burnt and dead." Hiko muttered, rubbing the bridge of his nose in aggravation. "Do I have to show you how to do everything?"

Kenshin sat up and kneeled next to the fire as he watched Hiko prepare to cook the remaining three fish. He had to learn; he knew this, because he wouldn't always be in Hiko's care. He planned on leaving as soon as he learned what he needed to know from his master. He was learning this to get revenge.

"You hold a corrupt heart, Kenshin." Hiko stated suddenly. "You cannot master the Hiten Mitsurugi with a heart such as yours. I already told you the ideals of this technique, and you have succeeded, even if sloppily, thus far. I cannot let you run free if you fail me. There is only one heir to the Hiten Mitsurugi, and that is the way it will always be. If you fail me, I will have to kill you."

Turning his head, Kenshin stared at Hiko. "But Hiko-sensei… you are giving me this technique for the soul reason of helping me…"

"I said I was going to help you, and that doesn't mean I was going to help you destroy your father. This training, for you, is meant to show you a means of defense you didn't have before, to help clear your mind of the atrocious things you've gone through and make you stronger. I'm not training you kill the man who destroyed your life, I'm training you to teach you how to prevent it from happening to others." Hiko told him. "To protect the innocent people, not to send the evil ones to hell. If you do that, you will only be killing these ideals and becoming one of them yourself, a demon possessed by the lust for blood."

"Never." Kenshin stated, watching as Hiko handed him a fish. "I'd never do that. I promised Sakura that I would never harm another human being without reason."

_'I fear you won't be able to keep those ideals with the single goal you have set for yourself. Your morals will be twisted and you'll become a tool someday. I just hope you realize it before it happens.'_ Hiko thought to himself before staring away.

"I'm not teaching you anything until you can prioritize your life. When I see that you are not only doing this training to get revenge and have vengeance, I will continue with the training. For now, I'm giving you free food and something to drink, and I want you to sit alone and think this through on your own. This is something you have to discover on your own." Hiko told him. "And by the way, stop hiding my sake."

Kenshin glared at him. "I don't like it when you get drunk."

Hiko turned and grinned. "Then you'll definently not like it when I'm sober." He took a swig of his sake and left Kenshin there alone to think.

Defiantly taking a large chunk out of the cooked fish, Kenshin glared at his masters back. Sometimes he couldn't stand the man, but he knew this was just how he was. Drunk and always conceited. He sighed. If he had a clear heart and was able to learn the Hiten Mitsurugi, then why couldn't he, too? There wasn't much difference in their personalities, Kenshin realized. They were both stubborn, and willing to argue. They had great strength, Hiko's physically and Kenshin's mentally. So what was the difference that made it so his master refused to teach him?

Staring down at the dead fish, Kenshin voiced his thoughts.

"If we are the same, then why can't I learn?" he muttered to the other dead fish that he was holding. "What's the difference? Why would I need to learn this other than to get back at my father? Hiko-sensei is very strict, and I hate it sometimes."

The fish just stared up at him.

"What help you are." Kenshin stated sarcastically before taking a bite out of his fish.

Hiko turned from where he had been standing and shook his head. Out of all the boys in Japan, he had chosen a weird redhead with violet eyes that talked to dead fish and tried to burn himself in fires. Despite the insanity that surrounded his pupil, he saw through him. There was an inner strength, but it was driven for the wrong reasons. If he could get Kenshin to realize what the wrong was, then he could successfully teach him all the skills he would need, and pass the Hiten Mitsurugi on to him. He stared at his bottle of sake.

_'Maybe I should give him sake… it helps me think,'_ Hiko thought. _'But if he acts like this sober, then I'd hate to see him drunk.'_

Kenshin threw the stick his fish had been on previously to the ground, and used the other one to draw into the sand as he thought. It didn't make any sense to him. Wasn't avenging his family's death a just reason for learning the Hiten Mitsurugi? Wasn't becoming stronger a way to cope with the deaths?

His head shot up as he realized something. Ever since he had began learning the Hiten Mitsurugi, the deaths of his sisters and mother had become much easier to bear, and he didn't ponder on them as much. They were his driving force, but when he practiced, his thoughts weren't on that. They were poised directly to the weapon in his hands and the crispness of his swings, one after another. He found that he wasn't truly feeling sorrow for their deaths anymore, the only feeling he had for it was anger.

Anger. That was the difference. His master was driven by anger. He was driven by the ideals of the technique. Kenshin fisted his hands together. How could he not be angry over what happened? It was impossible! His nails drew blood from his palms so he opened them again, watching the blood flow. The cuts were small, but after he was to be holding his bokken all day, they would begin to sting. Regretting his anger, he walked to the nearby creek and dipped his hands in to wash the blood away. He watched the water pick up the cherry colored liquid, turn it pink, and then wash away.

A rustling caught Kenshin's attention. He was surprised at how the strange training his master was putting him trough had taught him how to use his senses to a more superior level. What he had heard was far away, but it was coming closer. His ki sensing wasn't too good yet, since he hadn't realized why he needed it. Now he wished he had tried harder when he was learning it. Whipping his head around, he looked for something to protect himself.

Where had he put his bokken? Sighing and angered at himself for being so forgetful, he lifted up one of the sticks that was adorned with the ever-attractive bones of his earlier meal. It would have to do for now. His hands ached when he picked it up and he stared down at the dying fire, waiting for whatever it was to come closer. Part of him told himself to run, but the stubborn part told him to stay and actually use what little he had learned to his advantage, to prove to his master that he could do this.

"Hey, nice stick. Never seen one like that before." Came a voice.

Kenshin jumped back and glared at the new comer. "You're hair is funny." He told him.

The boy touched his hair. "Hey! Be nice! I can't help it if it does this! Don't tell me you're going to start calling me rooster head, too, are you?"

There was nothing hostile about the young boy, Kenshin decided, and let his stick fall and he warmed up to him slightly. Something was just inviting about the kid. His brown hair stuck up in all directions and a red bandana was tied around his forehead. He wore white and black, but carried nothing with him at the time.

"Can I call you chicken head?" Kenshin suggested.

The kid grinned. "Can I call you samurai boy?"

"But I'm not a samurai!" Kenshin said.

"And I'm not a chicken or a rooster!" the kid told him back, reaching for the fishbone on Kenshin's stick and sticking it in his mouth. "I like to chew on these things. Some weird habit I came up with."

Kenshin grinned. He felt at ease around this kid and he was pretty funny. He hadn't felt this lighthearted in a while. It was a welcoming feeling.

"Why are you all the way out here?" Kenshin finally asked. "And what's your name?"

Sitting down, the kid sat next to Kenshin and stared off into the forest for a moment.

"Do you know who the Seikhouti are?" he asked.

Kenshin shook his head. "No, I don't."

"Well, they're an army that's trying to help with overthrowing the government. We're mostly farmers and such. We're hoping to bring a new, peaceful government here in the end. There's not a war yet, but Captain Sagara thinks there will be in a few years if things don't go well. He says that then we will all be able to have last names. Then I will Sanosuke Sagara. You can call me Sano." Sano stated, extending a hand. "And who might you be, pink boy?"

Kenshin glared. He had forgotten he was wearing his magenta gi. "It's a fuchsia gi and my name Kenshin Himura."

"Kenshin, huh? Well, why are you out here all alone?"

"I'm not. I'm with my sensei, Hiko. He's supposed to be training me. But for some reason he thinks my heart is too corrupt." Kenshin told him. "You're talkative, you know that?"

"You're shy."

"So?"

They stared at each other before Sano stood up. "Well, I'll see you around maybe. After the new era comes I'll be looking for you, okay? You and the missy."

"Who's the missy?" Kenshin asked, a little confused.

"She's a girl I met a few towns back. Really nice but really aggressive, she gave me a few bumps on my head." Sano said, rubbing his skull. "Well, Captain Sagara will go looking for me if I don't get back. Don't know why I stopped anyway."

Kenshin nodded. He watched Sanosuke leave and then turned back to his fire, which was completely out. He covered it with some sand, a few more confusing thoughts flying in his head. But he didn't feel angry now. If there was a war, he thought, then maybe he could fight for the peaceful era. And then when that came, the government could righteously punish his father. Feeling a little better and like he had figured out what his master had wanted, he left the area to train again.

* * *

"This your sword." Hiko said, handing the katana to Kenshin. 

Kenshin buckled under the weight of his new weapon. "Master… why is it so heavy?"

Hiko shook his head. "It's metal, you idiot! What did you expect, a feather?"

"I'm sorry."

"I'm surprised you found your answer so quickly. Did you run into the rooster that was stupidly walking around the forest, like someone else I took in?" Hiko said, making sure Kenshin knew he was talking about him.

"You mean the boy? Yeah. I talked to him." Kenshin responded, putting the oversized sword into the belt that held up his hakama. "Um… I think it's too big for me."

Hiko looked at Kenshin. Taking in the sight before him, heshook his head. The sword was almost as big as Kenshin was, his clothes were to big on him and he was scrawny. His idiot apprentice looked like a girl.

"You look like a girl, stupid pupil. You really need to gain some height and muscle."

"I'm not a girl!" Kenshin shot back at him. "And I'm gaining muscle! Just because I'm not some over muscled beast doesn't make me a girl!"

Hiko glared at him. "You will regret that. We'll start out with something hard today, just because of that. The Ryu-Kan-Sen."

After handing Kenshin a wakizashi instead, which would be more fitting to his small stature, they stepped outside into an open area on a rock ledge by a waterfall. Hiko stared at his student and began.

"The Ryu-Kan-Sen, or the Dragon Wind Up Flash, is used once you get beside an opponent like this." Hiko stood next to Kenshin. "From there, with a powerful twist of your entire body, you place a blow directly under the skull. With a sword as you have, it would send the head flying about fifty feet away if you gain the correct speed."

Hiko demonstrated every move in a slow speed for Kenshin, forcing the movements so that his eyes could register them. His pupil couldn't be so stupid as to think this was how slow the attack was supposed to be, could he?

"Then should we be practicing with a real sword?" Kenshin asked. "I mean…"

"You won't kill me, trust me. I can block the attack easily coming from you, and besides, you're not unsheathing that sword until we practice an actual spar." Hiko told him. "You're not quite fast enough yet, which can be seen from your shortness, stupid apprentice, so you'd better watch because I'm only showing you this once."

Kenshin held onto the sheathed wakizashi and eyed Hiko as he took off the large cape and went into a stance before shooting off toward him. His eyes widened when he lost all sight of his master and the next thing he knew, an excruciating pain hit his neck and he was down, face first, on the stone ledge.

Groaning Kenshin stood up again and turned. How did he do that? He had only felt the pain, and seen none of the movement. He placed a hand on his neck and rubbed the throbbing, swelling area. He had memorized the slow movements he had been shown before, but how was he supposed to match that speed?

"I'm not going easy on you, even though I didn't hit you as hard as I could have." Hiko told him. "What's the use of teaching my idiot student if I end up killing him or giving him a concussion? Now, repeat the same attack on me."

Kenshin moved into the stance that Hiko had taken previously, and stared at his master. He didn't seem the least bit worried about the attack. Kenshin knew he wouldn't get it on the first try, but he was going to attempt to do the best that he could. He sprinted off at an inhuman speed, but one that wasn't fast enough to match the speed he was supposed to have. He sped and performed the spin of his body and directed his attack toward the base of Hiko's skull.

CLANK.

Kenshin looked up, only to see Hiko's sword blocking his own wakizashi from hitting his neck. Hiko turned his head to face Kenshin, a small grin gracing his face. Kenshin gulped. He knew that grin meant.

"Idiot apprentice, that was actually good." Hiko told him. "But you aren't fast enough or accurate enough yet. So you're going to practice that the rest of the day, and we'll focus on this technique for a couple of weeks until I believe you have perfected it. Until then I will be back at the hut and you will stay here and practice until sunset."

Kenshin's mouth dropped just as Hiko walked away.

Author's Notes: Yes. Sano is older. I didn't know when the Seikhouti began (did I spell that right?) so I just guessed. I needed a reason for why Kenshin came up with the reason behind why his heart was corrupt. I guess the little girl could have been Kaoru, we'll decide on that. And I seriously am thinking of putting Tomoe in here. It won't be for a while and she'll die the same way, but there may be a few changes in everything. We'll see, okay?

And since I still don't have the review responses up, I want to thank those of you who have reviewed every chapter (That's you, Human Chew Toy!) and those who have just reviewed. 12 reviews and I'm happy. That's what I've got so far, but you're reviews are very inspirational. I have 2 poems up called 'Battousai's Ballad' and 'Curse in Death'. If you like this you might wanna check them out if you haven't. Love you guys.

Love and hugs,

Crystal Renee


	5. The Weight of a Nation

Disclaimer: Ooooooooooo shiny! WOW! Look at the glitter on the white stuff outside on the ground! SNOW! Now, do I SOUND intelligent enough to you to own RK? I hope not………………. If I am then hand 'em over to me now!

Author's Notes: I love this story. It's one of my favorites I've done so far. I hope you guys are enjoying this as much as I am. And Sano was younger than Kenshin in the last chapter, he was just older than he really is in the show. Well here he's like one year younger, okay? Remember all the people Kenshin meets in these first few chapters. He may meet them later. AND HAIL SAMURAI X: REFLECTIONS! I watched that last week. And it has been decided that Tomoe will be in here. And so will Kaoru for all you Kaoru people. But I'm doing this because I like them both, I'm not really at one extreme or the other. I think we all need to learn to like them both. Tomoe came to Kenshin in a time he was about to break, and I believe that in the end there were true feelings between them. And then Kaoru showed him that there is still light in life, and taught him to be happy. I think both of them were important. So in the end, they were both important. And expect a lot less in the updating. I have two games a night I have to cheer at, and I get home around 10 PM for the home games and depending on where we go, 10:30 or later on away games. Plus- exams. Bleck. So yeah. I just though I'd warn you before I get hounded. : puts up invisible bubble sheild : The interlude is by me!

**Building The Hitokiri**

**Chapter 5- The Weight of a Nation**

**_'Two swords clash in a lightning reaction,_**

**_Innocence dies with this noble reason'_**

Kenshin stayed on that mountain with Hiko, learning the secrets of the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu and becoming stronger, learning to love the ideals his swordsmanship instructed into it's movements. He learned what it was like to feel as if you could die for your morals. He became more forward and more aggressive, but nonetheless a polite boy, for the sake of not angering Hiko. Years pasted as Kenshin trained, learning nearly everything he needed and becoming a master of the battou-jutsu stance.

"Okay idiot apprentice. If you do this, then in a week I will teach you the succession technique, you hear me?" Hiko stated. "Fail, and you'll be waiting for a long time before I take the chance of teaching it to you again,_if_ I decide to teach it to you. And if you fail to learn the succession technique when I teach you… I will have to kill you."

Kenshin pulled his hair back up into the high ponytail. At sixteen he had grown toned muscles and his hands were calloused, his muscles had filled out only enough that if you touched him you could feel the firmness. He still looked lanky, and much to his own dismay and Hiko's taunting, he was unusually short for a man. But behind that exterior was the heart of a warrior, and the strength and speed of no other man on the earth. Under his weak appearance, there was a god of kenjutsu and war.

Hiko positioned himself. "You have to land one hit on me."

"I'm not." Kenshin said. "Not only do you have the advantage over me, I refuse. There are people who need my help."

"So you've heard about the war." Hiko stated. _'I knew this was going to happen. He's too sympathetic and still driven by the memory of those he lost. He'll do anything to keep anyone from having to go through that again, I can see this. He'll be back. Let's just play the part to the stubborn teacher for now, and see if we can't change his mind.'_

"What is the use of practicing these ideals," Kenshin began, swinging his sheathed katana in a fluid movement, "if I'm not allowed to use them to protect the innocent like you say? That is what you've been teaching me. I can't just stay by and wait for you to give me permission to leap out into the world."

Hiko glared. "You are still my idiot apprentice, and you remain so the rest of your life. But you cannot go roaming around without completely understanding your own technique. There are secrets…"

"I don't care!" Kenshin shot at him. "I want to use my ideals to protect people, Hiko-sensei! What is the use of having them if all I do is get beat up by you?"

"Do you want to become what your father was?" Hiko asked. "A cold blooded killer? With your skills, that's what you'll become. You're going to become a tool for them, and then what? I won't be there to bail you out when you are called upon to destroy everything you've learned. You'll only be bringing pain to many in the end, instead of protecting them. Listen to my warning now, stupid pupil, before you regret ignoring it in the end."

Kenshin's eyes narrowed and his brow furrowed. "I'm not just going to stand here while innocent people are being killed off. I'm going whether you say I can or not."

He turned and began to stomp off toward Kyoto. Hiko shook his head.

"Fine, go. But you'll regret it in the end." Hiko warned finally. "And I'll be sitting here waiting to see how long it will take for you to come running back." He added to himself before turning to face his small hut.

* * *

Kenshin sat in an office, surrounded by strange things. He hadn't actually been into the civilized cities since he ran off, and he was surprised at how much things had changed since then. Nothing was the same anymore it seemed; yet nothing had changed all at once. All the same customs, but there were new things he hadn't remembered or, perhaps, had never noticed before in his sheltered, painful past. He shook his head as he read the banners around the room.

"I have a reason from asking you here, Kenshin Himura." Came a baritone voice that had a kind, sympathetic and knowing ring to it.

Kenshin averted his gaze to the proper man before him, Katsura Kogoro, a politician and leader of the imperialist army fighting agaisnt an oppressive government. He had wearing lines in his brow from the stress of the war that he was stuck in the middle of, but at the same time it didn't hinder his charms. At the side was a proper lady playing an instrument for their entertainment. Katsura raised his hand to silence her playing. Kenshin watched the politician's eyes as he searched around the room before landing upon Kenshin's face again.

"I want to ask you something. I have a job that will fit your skills to perfection, but its one that takes nerve." Katsura stated.

Kenshin nodded. "Please continue, Katsura-san."

"I want you to kill. I'm asking you to kill for me. Can you do that?"

Kenshin was flabbergasted. That was what Hiko had warned him about. He had been warned about people taking his skills and sucking the life from them until he could only use them for killing.

"I'm not sure if I can." Kenshin stated.

"Your ideals are to protect the innocent, are they not?" Katsura asked, and watched as Kenshin nodded. "This will help. With you being a shadow assassin, a hitokiri, then you will be shortening the length of the war by killing of prized Shisengumi leaders and other loyalist followers. Trust me, Himura, I would not be asking such a thing from you if I wasn't sure you could do so without losing who you are."

Kenshin bowed his head and pushed his lips tightly together. Could he do this? Could he kill for the nation of Japan, to protect the innocents in a war? Was he capable of something so horrendous? Could he stoop that low and not let the guilt rage inside him and eat him alive? A hand moved stealthily to his katana and he fingered the hilt's leather in thought, thinking over the proposal.

"You will be paid for your deeds, Himura."

"I do not care for pay." Kenshin stated. "That doesn't matter to me. I wouldn't want to be paid to kill someone in the first place. If I do this for you, are you positive it will shorten the war and save innocent people?"

"In the long run, yes, it will." Katsura stated. "I will not think less of you if you decide to decline my offer. That is completely up to you, I cannot force you."

Kenshin closed his eyes, a guilty feeling taking over his body. Something told him to say no. Everything in his being told him to refuse the offer.

"I will try, Katsura-san."

Katsura didn't smile but he nodded to Kenshin. "You are an honorable man to be fighting for a peaceful era in a way that most could not. Here is your first assignment. I will send someone out after you, named Iizuka, to clean up the scene."

Kenshin fingered the black clad envelope questioningly before he stood. He walked farther down the stairs to a room that had been designated for him in the Inn, where he locked the door and stared at his black envelope.

Inside was the name of a doomed man, he knew it. Someone would die that night, and it would be because of him. It would be by his blade, the righteous steel hidden underneath a wooden sheath.

And for once in a long while, Kenshin was scared.

Author's Notes: Yes I know. It's short. I apologize. I wanted to get something out on one of my stories eventually. I have a new reviewer! Mistress Battousai. Thanks for the review. And thanks to HCT, YOU HAVE REVIEWED TO EVERYTHING I'VE WRITTEN SO FAR! That means a lot to me. I'm guessing you're a she, okay, so if your not make sure to tell me. But her reviews really get me to start writing more. It just feels good to have someone enjoy your work that much to review to everyting at least once. And thanks to everyone else who reviewed. Your reviews mean a lot, too. So keep 'em coming. Sometimes a good comment is all I need!

Love and hugs,

Crystal Renee


	6. Engulfed into Darkness

Disclaimer: sneaks in the shadows : Shhh: sees red hair and pounces from behind cardboard boxes : EEEYYAA: lands with an oouuff: Darn it all! IT'S JUST A CARDBOARD CUTOUT: kicks it and then grabs it and runs off with it : I'll make it all better……… OH MY GOD I BENT IT!

Author's Notes: For some reason your authoress is EXTREMELY happy. I don't know why. But I want to write. I have 4 stories up and I still want to write and update every single one of them. I think these will be the fastest updates I've ever done. Or at least I hope. I have ALL DAY to sit and do nothing, so why not WRITE? I had to repost the last chapter because I forgot the interlude, and I'm not sure if they'll get rid of the sparse amounts of reviews or not. So if they do, COULD YOU PLEASE go back and re-review to the chapter: beggs you : I would be so thankful. And, the interlude to this chapter is by Linkin Park. It will make sense partway through the chapter.

**Building the Hitokiri**

**Chapter 6- Engulfed Into Darkness**

**_'I can't seperated myself from what I've done,_**

**_Giving up a part of me, I've let myself become you'_**

The quarters for which Kenshin was to call home in his time he served the infamous imperialists were nice, to say the least. They weren't furnished to the point of appearing tacky; the room was simple and clean- wooden floors and wooden walls, oak doors. There was a rice paper divider that could be drawn across the room if he pleased. A stack of books that were meant for leisure was in the corner underneath a window. A table was in a corner, without much on it yet. He supposed that was where the women who cooked and served the men were to place his meals.

And a lone futon was set in the farthest corner away from him upon entering the tiny, cozy room. He had received a full wardrobe of Choshu clan garb, filled with their colors of dark, navy blue and placid gray. He had to put them into the closest that was to right of him. Setting his swords down against the riveted timber next to the door, he slowly made his way over to the shoji doored closet.

To most people, this room would seem nice and comforting. To him, it was just foreboding and an evil tease. He knew he'd never find comfort in the represses of this room- it was a feeling he couldn't explain, only felt and knew. Something that was nagging at him; wouldn't leave him alone. Kenshin decided that staying there would only keep that mood on his mind, so he left to further evaluate his surroundings.

The entire Inn was quite plain in sight, nothing extravagant to the human eye. The only difference you could see were the men who trained outside of its walls in an attempt to prepare for their next battle. They were all strong, but he could tell their fighting skills were limited. That was why they were the ones on the battlefield, and men like him were the ones behind them lurking in shadows, killing people as they were instructed to do. It didn't matter to Kenshin what his instructions were; he would never attack someone without a weapon. If they didn't have a weapon, they didn't have a chance to fight back, and that would constitute as cold-blooded murder, not a death used to help further the imperialist's ideals. As long as he could believe that, Kenshin thought he could do this job of killing on the sidelines. He'd seen so much slaughter when he was young, so the sight of dead corpses lying on the ground in their own blood wouldn't be anything new to him. The only difference would be that he had done the killing himself.

His hands clenched together. The slaughter he had seen when he was young- the things his father did to his family. This was why he was doing this. He was taking this job in order to protect others from the same fate he had. He was doing this to bring a peaceful era, one with no pain and one that would save young lives from the hands of those who sought to destroy them. The backbone to his reason was to protect people from men like his father.

Shaking his head, Kenshin continued down the corridors of the building, sending his sights off to the sides every so often as a warning to everyone around him and to prepare himself for anything unexpected. He had yet to perform his task, but he didn't need to do it until the cover of darkness came. His first thought was of the man Iizuka- could he trust him? Katsura said he would send him out after Kenshin to clean up the carnage that would surely be left behind, but Kenshin had doubts. He shook it off as being paranoid because this was his first day there, and the first time he would ever actually kill with his own two hands.

"Sir… may I ask your name? I'm used to being acquainted with all the men around here, I wasn't aware that Katsura-san had assigned a new man to quarter here." An older woman asked from inside the kitchen.

"Himura Kenshin." He answered, side glancing at the woman. "Do you run this Inn, ma'am?"

She nodded at him. "Yes, I take care of all you men here. I usually have some help, but I really don't know where the other two girls are at the moment. No matter, I'll cook you up something. You look tired and hungry, if I say so myself."

He shook his head. "There is no reason. But, may I ask, if you could prepare something small but filling for me earlier than the others? I fear I won't be able to eat with them all tonight. I have to do something."

"I can do that." She told him. "How does soba and rice sound?"

"That should be good."

With a nod to the woman, Kenshin went on his way down the hall, thinking again of the man whose name was inscribed in the envelope. He was a senator; supposedly heavily guarded at all times, but he carried his own sword, just in case. A chill ran down Kenshin's spine. How was he to do this? Sneak up on them and attack, or let them know he was there and then slice through them like butter? These morbid thoughts plagued his mind and he shook his head. There was no reason for him to be thinking like this, so much about death and not enough about light.

But, could he ever think about light again?

* * *

Heartbeats were rapid and pulsating in his ears, his body breaking out into a premature sweat and threatening to deteriorate his living corpse. Kenshin slipped through the back alleyways, regretting his lack of planning at going out earlier, during the day, to scout out a route and get used to the bustling life that was Kyoto. His hands lingered near his sword hilts, his senses high as he awaited his duty to come. His body was fast but timid- his mind refused to register his location or the movements that were to come. At first, he couldn't even remember why he was there.

Why was he so nervous? Was it because he knew he was going to be slaying someone for the first time that night? Or was it because, he only now realized that he was doing the exact opposite of what he had promised Sakura?

_'I would never strike another without reason.' _

Those were his exact words to his sister the night she died. She had been comparing him to his father. Did he have reason, now, for bringing ultimate darkness in death's bleak hands to the man, and all his guards, as instructed by this simple piece of paper in his hands?

_'You say that now, but your still young. Your ways may change and I find the only way to protect is to hide you from how he is.'_

His eyes widened in his brooding. Sakura had been right. He had changed; he had been changed ever since that night. Wallowing in darkness and borderline insane. He was dropping down to the acts of his own father- killing people unjustly.

Kenshin gripped his head, his hands flying through his hair. No, he wasn't becoming like his father. The men on this paper deserved to die, their evils were immense against the weaker people of Japan. He couldn't let them live, knowing what they had done to destroy the lives of those people who were only trying to live day to day, just like he had always done. He dropped his hand and readjusted his wrist guards, just to be on the safe side.

He cleared his mind of his broodings and slipped up against a nice corner, one foot in front of him so he could sprint off at his target immediately. In the shadows he hid as well as he could, his purple eyes slowly changing shades to a steely blue the resembled the gleam on his blade as it reflected the colors of his gi. Concentration was imprinted against his brow as he crouched back into the shadows, retreating away like a cowardly mouse running away from the bloodthirsty cat. Only this time, it was the other way around. He was the cougar, hiding until he could pounce upon the unspecting rabbits that were to be his prey.

Sensing he still had time, he began to think over how he was going to complete the allotted task. How could he kill this man? What way would be the most efficient? Katsura had hired him because of his skills and speed; therefore he had to be at some great advantage as it already was. But he wasn't trying to come up with the most gruesome way to kill the doomed men on his paper.

For his own sake, their sake, and the sake of his dead family's memory, he wanted them to die as quickly as possible, to keep them from having to feel the pain. And in their place, unknowingly, he would be carrying that burden for their souls.

A loud footstep pulled him out of his thoughts just as he decided on using the battou-jutsu's Ryu-Kan-Sen-Arashi, an attack aimed toward beheading. It was quick, and the speed would spare them any pain they could feel. And to top it off, he could be out of there before the men fell to the ground and he was spotted.

Sending his piercing eyes to the side, he caught sight of the men that were walking forth ward. Two of them were in turquoise colored gis- the colors of Shisengumi. Silently gulping and standing back, he prayed these men would not be able to fight back. He didn't wish to see the carnage more than he had to when he returned to the Inn. The other man, the one he was supposed to assassinate, was chatting happily, dressed in complete black and a sword at his side. Kenshin didn't think he knew how to use it, but was glad he was carrying one nonetheless. At least this way the man could attempt fruitlessly to protect his life, and Kenshin's guilt wouldn't weigh so much on him, knowing he had killed someone who could have saved their own life. He wasn't attacking someone who was defenseless.

Closing his eyes, he shot out, his god-like speed matching with his call as he stopped in between the three men, sending his sword back and hitting each behind the neck in a swift movement before moving across the way, and hiding in the shadows.

He listened in silence. One. Two. Three. Three bodies had hit the ground with a thud, and Kenshin could swear he could hear the blood falling from their bodies like sake being poured to quickly from it's container. Dropping his head, he realized he'd have to walk back through there to get back to the Inn again. If he had thought more, he could have hid on the other side and never had to walk back through the slaughter again.

Taking a deep breath and keeping his eyes downcast from the sight, he shuffled out from the shadows, katana still drawn before him. Something was different; he could feel it in his body. He felt differently now, like the aggression within him was pointed in different ways.

It had been too easy.

He continued walking, the earth beneath his sandals sending out gritty sounds. And suddenly, a splash.

Opening his eyes, he saw a hand, blood completely surrounding it and tingeing his socks, hakama and blade red. His eyes flew wide, and suddenly he could feel the blood running from his hair and down his face, over his chest and down his arms, soaking his gi and making it stick to his chest. He stepped back quickly, accidentally looking up at the three dead men before him.

The decapitated bodies lay there, motionless for the most part. One was still twitching, the hand lying over as sword and the fingers moving in jerks from spasms in the nerves, like it was trying to grasp the sword once more and seek revenge. Kenshin followed the trails of blood with his eyes, seeing the scattered skulls floating in their own pools of blood, eyes wide with shock, but their mouths never changing from the happy, carefree expressions they had held before their death.

They had never felt a thing.

Kenshin sprinted over the bodies, and turned around once more after he had gotten over the rivers of blood and flesh. There was so much blood; it ran like a lake with waves from wind. The swords of the two Shisengumi members had been drawn; each was covered in blood as they lay near the men they belonged to. Kenshin suddenly wondered if he had been injured, but there was no sensation of pain anywhere. The blood on the blades had belonged to the men that lay strewn around them.

Turning his palm over, the blood flew down from his fingers in straight lines as if someone was pouring it over his body in buckets, not small droplets like the rain. His eyes grew wide once again and he dropped his sword, grasping his wrist in shock. He could kill so easily- his hands could end the life of so many without even trying. His sword, the one in the bleeding mud by his feet, could slice away at an opponent before they could react and steal their lives away from them so quickly.

Lifting his sword up again, he flicked it quickly with a reaction in his wrist, the blood flying off instanteously as he resheathed his sword.

"What are you, a Battousai?" a man asked, glancing at him. "I've never seen someone move that quickly."

Bracing himself, Kenshin spun around, falling into stance with his hand on his sword hilt. The man shook his head and walked forward, brushing past Kenshin easily and walking toward the three deceased men.

"Don't get so defensive around me. I'm Iizuka, I'm the one Katsura sent to clean up after you. You didn't make my job easy. And not even a scratch on you, I'm surprised, Himura Battousai."

Kenshin looked at him. "Battousai?"

"The way you moved, it seems to be a befitting name. Are you upset? Are you going to crack, Himura?" Iizuka questioned. "If so, then don't bother going back to the Inn. It would be a disgrace."

Standing straight and glaring with malice at Iizuka, Kenshin proclaimed, "No. I feel nothing, I never will feel anything. Those men were evil to the ways of which I fight, manipulating the innocent as they did, they deserved more than what I gave them."

Iizuka smirked and went back to work. "Then head back now, Himura Battousai."

* * *

Kenshin walked back behind the Inn, toward the well. Drawing up some water, and taking the bucket in his own shaky hands, he poured its icy contents over his skull, numbing and stinging the skin all at once. The liquid soaked through his clothing, stinging his unscathed, toned skin. After drawing more water, he flung the bucket over his head again, drowning his guilt in the minimal pain the extreme cold played against his weathered flesh.

He was no different from his father now. He had killed three men.

Were the families of these men going to cry tonight, discovering their beloved husbands, brothers, uncles, cousins, fathers, and sons could not return to them ever again? Would their friends weep as well for the loss? Would a wife lose her life, due to the grief and the lack of money? Would she have to raise her children on a less than noble way of making money? Would some children have to understand that their older brother couldn't return with the candy and gifts he had promised them? Could a child have to learn that since their father was never coming back, that their mother would never be the same, loving woman she was before?

He tried to pry these thoughts out of his head. He was still a victim of such a crime, and if not anything, he was more traumatized than any of the victim's families would ever be. Kenshin had been the one who had to draw his blade against them- he had to see their bodies lying lithe in the blood that seeped from their severed necks, had to look into their emotionless, dull eyes and watch as their bodies maKe last efforts with bodily spasm to move. He was the one who had been drenched in their blood- he was the one who had to carry their pain on his shoulders.

Anyone who was upset could cry over the loss they suffered, but none of them would know the pain Kenshin had to deal with afterward. The guilt he had to carry for the men he had to slaughter in the name of an ideal that was meant to protect people- people like the ones the men would now be leaving behind in their wake.

Tears began to escape Kenshin's eyes, and he looked at his reflection in the new bucket of chilling water he had drawn. The remaining particles of blood ran down his face in rosy rivers, over his brows, around his cheeks and across his lips. His eyes bore back at him, no longer the gentle violet he had inherited from his mother. Now they were a strict yellow color- one he couldn't remove, and one he didn't wish to dispose of. This was him; this was who would always be. He had to hide behind this mask, for his own sake.

He dumped the bucket onto his head again, looking down at the ground where it collected. It soaked into the ground, not remaining on top as the blood had done in the streets that night. The only thought that kept Kenshin in comfort that night was that, even if he had stooped to his fathers level, three facts rang true that still separated him from the man that ruined his life.

Instead of killing women and children, he would and could only kill men. Never would he draw a blade on someone whose eyes would remind him of his beloved mother and sisters. Sakura, the one who had always protected him, Akane, his twin, and his mother, her name had been Kasumi.

Also, Kenshin would only kill someone who had a means of defending themselves. Unlike his father, who killed and beat the people who he should have been protecting, Kenshin would never drag on a death. His sisters had been defenseless against their father, and that drove Kenshin to never, ever attack anyone who didn't have the slightest chance of defending themselves.

Last, and foremost in importance, Kenshin vowed, that unlike his father, he would not kill someone he had no reason to kill. His father had no reason for killing four people that night. He had killed his wife and daughters, and also, he had killed Shinta and caused the birth of Kenshin in his place. His father had killed and enjoyed it- Kenshin would never be able to kill and not feel remorse.

Unless…

Shaking his head and treading off to the bathhouse to change into the clothing he had prepared and set out for himself beforehand, he stopped thinking about that. He had pushed himself into a new life that night, and another form of himself had been built and formed.

Funny- despite his anger and hatred to his father, he still carried his name.

Walking out of the bathhouse and padding up the stairs to his room, he looked up at the moon through a window. It was red; red with tears for his sake. Kenshin shook his head again, trying to stop thinking like he was. He arrived in his room, glancing at his futon. There would be no need for that. No longer could he sleep in comfort he did not deserve. He leaned against the books, hefting his katana next to him in case someone decided to attack him in his sleep.

And with that, Himura Battousai fell into the first sleep of his life as a hitokiri.

Author's Notes: Wow. That was longer than the last chapter. I hope it was good. I'm pretty happy with how it turned out. I hope you guys liked it…………… because I won't be updating for a while, I fear. I apologize: bows down to you : Thank you so much for the reviews (especially you, HTC) they mean a lot to me.

Love and hugs,

Crystal Renee


	7. Curse Upon a Cursed Soul

Disclaimer: shivers : I don't own Kenshin. I own the Samurai X movie and the entire series on DVD, but alas, with my DVD player at my grandmas, I have no way to watch them. : sulks :

Author's Notes: Well well well! CHAPTER TIME: does not hear anything : Okay, be that way then! SEE IF I CARE! LOL. I'm going to start this chapter with no ideas, so if you think I made it turn out completely terrible, I apologize ahead of time. I'm going to be doing a lot of time skipping to get to the next strong part of the story. Bear with me, please? Oh, and to Kat, who told me about the problems with half of the chapter being indented and the other half not being indented………… when I wrote out the chapter it was all indented, but for some reason when it posted it got rid of the indenting I did. I wonder why? AND THANK YOU DOVE-OF-NIGHT FOR REVIEWING TO MY STORY. I am so honoured to have your support. And as always, I'm going to shout out to my dear friend, Human Chew Toy. Just because your special, too! That's a darn good reason in my book.The interlude to this chapter is from a poem I have posted on this site, called 'Curse in Death'.

**Building the Hitokiri**

**Chapter 7- Curse Upon a Cursed Soul**

**_'_****_In the dark the man still fights, _**

**_Amongst dying days and bleeding nights...'_**

Splendor.

Beauty.

Strength.

Ideals.

Sacrifice.

Kenshin's mind wandered through these thoughts as his hands cleaned the blade of his katana. The monster he held within his palms was tamed by only one- that one being him. But did he truly tame this thing, this tool of absolute murder and destruction, or, in a sense, did it possess him? Was he under the power of something that would weigh him down forever, was he the tool of this tool of warfare? In this cruel world, was he a pawn being played to the furthest extents of his powers, being driven to unimaginable odds, and then being bounced back to do more of the rulings of his god, this godforsaken katana?

There was a splendor to such a weapon- the intricate way in which it was made, how it reflected the lights of day and illuminated the color of blood, giving it a spectacular appearance. The beauty it held, just staring at such a crafted piece of technology, one that you were bound to and would forever be, was immense. You could never compare something so thoughtfully prepared, with so much heart behind it. No other weapon could compare- everything else was that of a coward. The strength of a katana, of a live blade of steel as cold as ice was stronger than that of a gattling gun, or any other western made weaponry that could be produced. It took skill to achieve this weapon's strict course of action- and Kenshin had surpassed all expectations in this manner.

Ideals were borne by such things, these swords that were carried regretlessly at the sides of so many other samurai, some skilled and some just holding the blade to feel good. Ideals were borne from this, ideals that drove this revolution, the Bakumatsu, to the extent of slaughtering carnage it was at now. It was the ideals that bled from these gods of men, demons of weapons, these swords- it was these ideals that forced the country in two and made it snap, bleeding the men that were found lifeless and embodied upon the streets of so many towns each night. Sacrifices, they were, to bandage a blood seeping nation and help it heal. One day, this bloodlust, the rain caused of liquid cherry blossoms would end. That was the one thing that helped Kenshin hold on.

There was no other truth. Sacrifices now to save those later; he had to do this to help prevent the things that happened to him from happening to other innocent people. But how many innocent people had he killed, simply because they had witnessed the horrendous acts he caused, the devilish things his sword could do? How many people never got to see their mothers again, assure their wives they'd be home, drop of a gift for their brother or protect their sister from prying eyes? How many daughters lost the thing that held their family together, and how many sons lost the man they looked up to, just because of his orders to keep his acts secret?

Kenshin shook his head. He shouldn't think about this. There was no reason to worry so much about these things. He wasn't destroying any lives- he was destroying evil and then preserving the generations that followed.

But, how many would give up because of such loss? How strong would the next generation be? What kind of men, women, children- what kind of people would thrive because of his blood shedding nights and guilt filled days? How many people would simply give up, because of the loss he caused?

No one would understand in the end, he decided, taking the cloth he was using to scrub away at the remnants of hundreds of men from nights past. No one would understand, and in the end, he'd have to sacrifice himself to make up for what he did. Running his hand along his trusted sword, he could feel the strained texture. Most swords were smooth, sharp only to one edge. But his was covered in scratches, a few dents present here or there. The scratches on this blade would cut your hand if you held them with even the slightest pressure, and each were there to symbolize one dead soul he'd someday remember and regret taking.

Slipping his sword back into its sheath, Kenshin stood and looked out at the men practicing. Each was acting just like a new recruit, just like he had. Strong ideals to uphold, people to impress, friends to avenge. And the sad part was, in Kenshin's reasoning, only a third of these men would be able to go home to the people they left behind, and the rest will leave legacies of ideals they never were able to ensure and goals they never fulfilled. So many of them would die in vain.

And, what if it wasn't their side that won? How many of them would have lost their lives over a justice that was never served? How many would become unneeded sacrifices, and how many people would look down upon them for the things they had fought for with such vigor and vivacity? So many were dealt such useless endings. And Kenshin pitied them all.

He had survived one year of warfare in the shadows, fighting with a lightening skill that offered painless death to his victims. They died before they knew they were in the reach of a katana's bloodthirsty, demon driven blade. And not once had he himself had to meet resistance. The chance of that was slim, but he prayed that it would come. If he could fight in a battle where there as a chance of him getting hurt, then perhaps the death he dealt wouldn't weight upon him so much.

"Himura." Came a voice.

Turning slowly, Kenshin looked at his addresser. "Katsura-san."

Katsura took a seat next to his brooding prodigy, looking forward slightly. "You don't need to continue with this, Kenshin. I see how it affects you- you're definently not the same person I took in as my assassin. You fight for the same reasons, that's never changed in you. But you've closed yourself off more than you used to, and you don't communicate with anything more than short, curt sentenances."

"Sir?"

"See what I mean, Himura. This job affects you more than you let off. Don't let my selfish decision ruin your life more than it has. You've had a troubled childhood, I could tell by the way her were when I suggested the job to you, when I found you. It is your choice, Kenshin, but I want you to know, that you can stop whenever you desire. Until then, I will still have to give you the jobs I have you assigned to, and you will still have to do what I cannot entrust to the other men." Katsura told him.

"You regret it?"

Looking at Kenshin fully, Katsura took in his words. "I will never regret helping you try and achieve your goals by using your skills to their highest extent, but, I will always regret not being able to find a way that would better suit the man you are."

"I am an assassin." Kenshin told him. "Don't regret the sins I caused on my own."

Katsura looked toward the other men that were training, using his keen eyes to track down anyone with a superior skill. "My offer is still open. You may walk away at anytime, and you will never be frowned upon as a coward. Your intentions were good, and you served well and beyond the call of your duties. You deserve this option, and it will remain open until the end of this war."

Dropping and envelope next to him, Katsura walked away. Kenshin pocketed the black note and otherwise remained unmoving, his thoughts swimming rapidly in his head toward the intent of his leader.

* * *

Speed. Faster. He was late for his mission that night, having been postponed by an abnormally long meeting and then the delay in his meal. If his godlike speed failed him now, Battousai would fail, and it would be his first- and last- failure. Pushing the speed up a notch, he slid to a silent halt. 

The street was quiet, the area too desolate and dangerous for habitation. Yet, some people were fool enough to walk this street at night, including the man whose life he was after. He took a moment to pity the man who was going to die because of a stupid mistake. Battousai would give anything to not have to kill for one day, to be able to go back and say that he had never met up with the target. But this was his job, and if he had to do it, he was determined to excel at it.

Night had grown unusually dark, but it had been that way ever since his first kill. The nights seemed darker, and the moon a deeper shade of red with each passing night. Soon, he feared he'd be completely engulfed in a false darkness. Shaking away his morbid thoughts, Battousai found a good place to lurk in the shadows as he awaited that night's victim.

His eyes were keen, but he heard his victim long before he saw them. He kept his ears in tune to the conversation, something he wouldn't normally do. Maybe this could help give some new information to his twisted cause, and maybe, the bloodshed could end earlier.

"It's much too dangerous here. Lets hurry up."

"I've heard the news, Kiyosato."

"What news?"

"You know what I'm talking about, son."

"Oh, yes."

"You're a lucky boy to be getting such a lovely bride."

Battousai cringed. There were three men, and one of them would be leaving behind their betrothed that night. Inside his body wished to double over and let him do something he should have done a long time ago- vomit and cry. He felt oddly guilty for a crime he had yet to commit, and the way he was planning on doing it- the body he left behind wouldn't even be fit to send back to whoever this man, Kiyosato's, woman was. He felt sorry for her in that moment, but he had to push his emotions aside.

He had no choice in the matter anymore. Kill or be killed.

"Yes but I must admit I feel a bit guilty for having so much happiness while so many others are suffering."

_'You don't know what guilt is, what suffering can be. You don't know the definition of anger or hatred, or the feelings of regret and anguish. You speak like you know so much.'_ Battousai thought momentarily. _'But, you will not have need to ponder such trivial things anymore. I am sorry; I would prefer not to have to take your life tonight, if not for you than for the woman you'll be leaving behind, but I must.'_

"That's nonsense. Each man must seize happiness for himself, regardless of the sorry state of the world."

Battousai gripped his skull tightly. These words were doing something to him he couldn't explain. It was irritating him. He had to get this assignment over with before he failed to do so.

"You are Jubei Shigekura of the Kyoto Shoshidai, are you not?" he said, his voice cold. "Now old man, you will pay for your tyranny."

The men seemed shocked at his appearance- none of them had realized it was the Battousai at that moment. A few threats were shot him, and all reflected by the invisible, icy shield he had placed around himself and his life. The largest of the three men ran forward, attacking him without hesitation.

Taking no stance, Battousai reflected the first shot with his hilt, slamming the sheath into the mans eye. As he stumbled back, the kill shot screamed through the air and the man fell to the ground, soaked in blood and spraying like a waterfall across the alleyway and all the men in it. The second guard ran in front of Jubei, but he forced him back.

"No Kiyosato, he's after me."

That had a been a fool move on the mans part. Battousai wedged his sword between the man's arms, and sprung it up through his jaw, slicing venomously through the bone of his skull and the softness of his brain. The sword was stuck, and he yanked toward himself, pulling the red glittering blade through the mans skull. This maneuver proved to cut the face half so it opened like a book, exposing his snow-white bone amongst pink tissue from brain and the deep crimson of blood. He fell forward, his eyes wide open and the now unconnected flesh wrinkling against the disgusting blood soaked earth.

That left one man. Battousai looked at him, and watched the horror spread across his face. He ran forward slightly, unblinking as he stared at the terrifying carnage and shreds that was now his two companions.

Battousai lurched forward, his sword poised to kill. Kiyosato didn't think, he just reacted and deflected the potentionally deathly blow. Arching away slightly, Battousai brought his wakizashi to slice through Kiyosato's stomach. He jumped back and forced himself to stand, panting heavy.

"Drop your sword."

Kiyosato refused, and attacked at his own will, both of his strikes being easily parried. Another slice from Battousai's death scythe of a sword was aimed into his shoulder, and again Kiyosato backed away, falling ungracefully to his knees in the process. His face was contorted with concentration, not agony as expected.

_'What is driving this man? He's not very skilled, yet, he's outlasted any of my former foes.'_ Battousai thought, not allowing his confusion to shine through to his eyes of lava-like amber._ 'Why is he refusing the inevitable?'_

Using his sword, he stood up again. "I fight until you're dead!"

Battousai and Kiyosato charged at one another. Battousai's blade sliced through his chest, and he fell, crying out in agony and mumbling something about a woman named Tomoe. Stepping closer, Battousai did the only thinkg he could do for the man to keep him from his agony. He chopped through his throat, and twisted the blade, and there he died.

Hearing footsteps but sensing a familiar ki, Battousai stopped staring at the man at his feet and cleaned his blade with a quick flip of his wrist. He sheathed it before looking at the men that ran to the scene.

"That took longer that usual, Himura." It was Iizuka. He walked closer, and his eyes widened. "Himura, is that a wound on your cheek?"

Unaware he had even been close to being injured; he brought his hand up to his cheek, run his fingers along it. There was a sticky liquid, and upon pulling his hand back, he saw the blood that now lined the crevices of his palm and fingers.

"This man stubborn. I must not have been paying attention. It's nothing serious." He clarified. "I believe it would be your job to take care of this mess, Iizuka. Do so."

He walked away slowly from the men that were now staring at the slaughter brought about by his blade. After he was out of the distance where they could spot him, Kenshin ran.

* * *

He dumped the third bucket over his head, the chilling water doing nothing to help stop the bleeding. The wound wasn't deep, and he assumed it wouldn't even leave a scar. But still, the fact he had been injured was startling to him. It frightened him. It wasn't right. 

_"Don't let your ego get to you, Kenshin. You're not as good as you think you are. Every man has a weakness, and no one can ever be invincible."_

Those were the words of his master after he had been excited over accomplishing to learn to the Ryu-Tsui-Sen. He had been boasting about how he could do it so well, and as usual Hiko-sensei had been there to put him back in his place with a shrill bonk on the head, orders to do laundry and cook dinner, and a lecture. But, now, the punishments for failure and other things were not so easy, and he didn't have his mentor there to instruct him in how to live day to day life, how to get over tragedies.

Was that what he had done, became too big for his ego? Had he truly began to believe that he was invincible? It had a miracle from some grace of the Gods that he had not been injured earlier. Surely an injury now would not seem all that strange. But the man hadn't been skilled at all. There had been something else behind it, behind his strength, and it was an imposing factor that slightly worried Kenshin.

What gave that man so much power?

Reaching for bandages to do the only thing he could think of, he covered the constantly bleeding wound and then left to sleep. It was so tiring and hard, and that assignment had been oddly more disturbing to his state of mind than the rest. Kenshin leaned against the books in his room, not bothering to change. This night, in remembrance of that man, Kiyosato, he was going to sit and haunt himself with the scent of blood and nightmares, along with the realization he hated most.

He was just like his father. He was becoming his father. Killing people and ruining happiness, destroying a family that was on the verge of healing, all things his father had done. But the only difference was that he had suffered for it, and his father was still getting away with it.

Closing his eyes and willing these musings away from his oddly achy body, Kenshin fell into a mild sleep, consisting of the repeating nightmare of a woman finding her love dead on the streets of Kyoto.

Author's Notes: Yes. I went back and actually watched the Samurai X movie to get the names right and to get most of the scene correct. I'm going to be spinning off from this, I have an idea concocting in my head. You'll see.

Thank you to all the reviewers. I love you!

Love and hugs,

Crystal Renee


	8. Bleeding Golden Iris

Disclaimer: I'm afraid not. Nope. BUT I BOUGHT VOLUMES 1 AND 2 OF THE MANGA!

Author's Notes: I'm in………… low spirits. I don't know why. All I want to do is write a poem and get rid of everything in my head and heart, but it's not working. It's disheartening when I can't write. Writers block is coming in tenfold on everythingall my ideas I've forgotten. And the lack of reviews. I'm not complaining. It's just that……… well………… I need my driving force going again. I'm really upset with most of my work lately (especially the latest chapter to 'Silhouettes of Shadows'. It was horrid.) because it's not very good at all. Also, this will not be a chapter for Tomoe-haters. I just ask that you keep an open mind on this. I'm trying to keep her in character and it's so hard to write Tomoe's personalitiy, so it may be out of charater, also.

**Building the Hitokiri**

**Chapter 8- Bleeding Golden Iris**

**_'I'm so tired of being here_**

**_Suppressed by all my childish fears'_**

Two weeks. It hadn't been long, but the wound still refused to heal. Kenshin had placed the best care he possibly could on the wound that now forever marred his cheek, but the wound continued to bleed every time he killed. Every single time he lifted his sword, the scab would tear and the wound would seep that thick, oily liquid over his face. In return for killing, Kenshin bled for each person he took the life of. Their blood wasn't the only that was shed anymore on the nights they were doomed; now, their murderer bled with them too.

Slowly, this wound was killing him. The guilt was killing him. But Kenshin refused to give up. He was doing this to protect people from men like his father, to protect people like his sisters and his mother. He did it to help ease the future sufferings of people like the little girl and her father he had seen the day after his family was slaughtered. He did this to uphold the truth he saw in that boy named Sanosuke he had met while training with his master. He did this to uphold the teachings of his master.

'_The first principle of Hiten Mitsurugi; the sword swung in my name shall be swung for the people of the world, to prevent the shedding of innocent blood.'_

It was the only truth he knew, the only thing he could understand. That was what his life hung ontothat and the memories of the death of his family.

Sakura. Murdered by her father by the porcelain of a vase, mercilessly sprung up into her throat, causing her to choke on her own blood before she died of suffocation.

Akane. Slaughtered while begging for her life as a police officer of Kyoto, who happened to be her father, held her high and shot her in the side of the skull, blasting her brain andbone into small boat-like fragments floating in her blood.

Kasumi. His mother. Died when she fought back with her husband to protect her children and herself from a rape. Her death was brought from stab wounds in her arms and chest.

Kenshin's head shot up. A deep, frightening realization hit him. He had placed the dagger into his fathers back. The pain caused his father to fall. That was when the knife killed his mother.

It had been his fault she died.

Each night his mind replayed the death of his family. The nightmare had been plaguing him ever since the night he had brought home that woman who had seen him kill. He couldn't bring himself to kill her; the memory of the three women who had lost their lives for him wouldn't allow him to. The woman's name was Tomoe, and now she worked in the kitchens and serving the men their meals.

And he just now remembered that it was his fault his mother had died. He had helped bring her death. His father hadn't lied about that. Kenshin hadn't cried since that night, and he didn't plan to now.With or without tears,he still couldn't clear his mind.

What if his father had remarried, and brought misfortune to more women? What if his father was still in the police force, a cold-blooded murderer pretending to be there to help keep the oppression of the weak to a minimum? What if is father was still alive?

Kenshin stood. There was no way to get rid of these thoughts until he cut off all traces to his past; or at least found out what had become of it. He had been named for his father, so Shinta Himura was the man he was looking for. For once, Kenshin was gladMaster Hikohad changed his name. He could never have gone on with a name that matched that of the person who destroyed his life.

Placing his katana in his belt, Kenshin gave one more withering look at the room. The only thing that still remained out of place was the top that had been in his yukata the night that he lost his innocence to the sight of death, blood, and evil. He had kept it all this time; there were still slight bloodstains on the wood from the blood that had been haphazardly spilled on him while his family was slaughtered. He couldn't get rid of the top, though. Even with the vivid, excruciatingly painful memories and dark pictures it held, it was his only connection to what little innocence he had possessed.

He opened the thin paper door and found himself face to face with Tomoe. She carried her broom, and the sleeves of her kimono were drawn back with a white rope so she could clean more efficiently. She dropped her gaze away from him momentarily, gripping her broom tighter just slightly. He frightened her, he knew, but she still found a way to give him words every time they ran into each other.

"I apologize if I am intruding." She stated, her voice gentle and elegant.

Kenshin shook his head. "I was just leaving. Forgive me for startling you."

"You did no such thing." She stated, moving from his way. "I will finish quickly, I promise."

"No need." Kenshin replied. "Take all the time you need. I might not be back for a while."

"An assignment?" she whispered, some dread in her voice. "You're just a child... I don't understand why you must be the one to do such things. I can see they hurt you deeply. You could stop if you desired, couldn't you?"

Kenshin softened up to her. Her quiet demeanor reminded him so much of the care that Sakura had been sure to give him that it had becomesecond nature to be gentler around her.

"You inquire to much."

"I'm sorry. I should not speak of things I don't understand."

He retreated back in his room momentarily, and then came back out holding a light violet shaded scarf. "I believe this is yours."

Her eyes widened momentarily and she reached for it gingerly, pulling it to herself without a hesitation. "Yes. I'm sorry if I disrupted you."

"Not at all. Thank you." He said. "I must be going, and I don't wish to keep you from your work. Perhaps tonight you will have time to be free from your duties for a while and can relax."

She bid Kenshin a silent farewell and he continued on down the halls. His mind was set on one thing, and he prayed that Katsura could give him the straight answer he seeked. Kenshin wasn't even sure if Katsura had returned yetfrom his latest meeting, but he was willing to hope that he was.

Stepping noiselessly down the stairs and then forcing himself to swim amongst the hoards of men that had recently lined the halls, he found an opening and reached outside of the Inn. He stepped into the sun, not even bothering to shield his eyes. The chill of the air was brisk, but not enough to scare him back inside. He remembered braving much colder weather before. Autumn was just a teasing season; the only one he truly needed to worry about was winter for it biting cold and summer for it's exhausting heat. Spring and autumn were just there to tickle the senses and allure you into a false sense of security; they were too unpredictable.

Finding himself wandering the premises by accident, he looked up. For a moment he was brought into a dreaded shock. He had never noticed that this place, where this Inn was stationed, looked so familiar. But then again, Kenshin reminded himself with a wry smile, he had never actually attempted to take a deeper look into the area he worked around. He never needed to spend much time outside and wander around the grounds before; and oddly, he was drawn here.

But why was it so strikingly familiar to him?

"Himura." Came a voice.

Kenshin turned. "Katsura-san. I need to speak with you."

Katsura nodded. "Of course. Is this important?"

"Yes." He clenched a fist. "It may not be important to the cause, but it is important to me."

"Then it is an important issue." He reasoned, taking a seat on the porch to proceed in watching the new recruits. "What is it?"

Kenshin took a seat somewhat hesitantly next to Katsura before he began. " I need you to find someone for me."

Turning his head, Katsura gave him a quizzical look. "Go on."

"His name is Shinta Himura." Kenshin stated.

"Why do you want us to find him?"

"Because of something that he did." Kenshin responded. "It was a long time ago and I don't wish to repeat it. Can you find him for me?'

Leaning back, Katsura had a deep look of concentration on his face. "Can you give me a little more information?"

"The last time I saw him was seven years ago. He was a police officer in Kyoto at the time." Kenshin offered.

"Shinta Himura…" Katsura thought. "I believe I know who you are speaking of. He is still a police officer. That man's son killed his family, and then tried to kill him. They never were able to find his son, though, and take care of the injustice correctly. He lost his two daughters and his wife. Poor man has a scar on his back to prove for his efforts in saving them. And, to add to it, his son never let him have the chance to bury them... he burned the house. He never wanted to have any connection to the memories again. This is the land his home used to be on, we bought it to build this Inn."

Kenshin digested this information. "He did not lose his family because of the acts of his son."

Katsura turned to look at him. "What do you mean? Shinta Himura has proven a very good ally."

"I know. I am his son. He killed his wife and daughters. I injured him trying to protect them. He burned the house." Kenshin stated. "I want him dead. I did not kill my sisters and mother, they were everything to me. He was the one who did it."

"He did it." Katsura stated, his mouth open in a wide circle. "I take it there is more to this than I know."

"And more to it then you will ever."

"Who do you wish to do the honors, Himura?"

"I do." He stated. "I made a promise that the only man I'd ever kill out of my own decision would be him. And I plan on doing it."

Katsura nodded. "It will not be easy. I have his address, and I will give it to you tonight. Trust me. This may blow your cover as a shadow assassin, Kenshin."

"I understand, Katsura-san." Kenshin responded. "I want him dead."

* * *

All this time. He had been working at this Inn all this time, killing people all this time, and the sakura treesthat surroundedthe encampmentnever reminded him. He had been staying upon the graves of his sisters and mother for a year and didn't even realize it. He had broken his promise never to strike another without reason upon their charred remains. The plan to destroy his father had been heard by their ghostly ears. 

All this time, and he had never realized that the big weeping willow in the back was the tree they used to hide it to try and skip out on beatings. He hadn't remembered the small pond that they had been nearly drowned in when they were younger. Kenshin hadn't recognized anything.

Had he pushed those fading memories that far back in his mind to the extent he couldn't remember the places of the horrors of his past? Everything was so vividthe reasons for the death of father being at the top of his list of priorities had always been clear in his mind, buthe hadn't even noticed that he was staying, again, upon the site of the house that had given him so much pain.

It tore at him. He now held the address to his father's new home, along with information that made him cringe.

A police lieutenant.

Deals mostly with beat up prostitutes for his job.

Never remarried, but lives with his female servants.

Rich.

The statistics were killing him. The problem was Kenshin had a better understanding of his father. The women he dealt with for his job were probably the women he himself had beaten, and in their fear they had pointed out only the people he felt were his enemies as their attackers. He never remarried so that he could have his way with any of his servants,and he was filthy rich because of the corrupt ways he still lead his life.

Kenshin nearly crumpled up the paper in his hand. The ink was still wet, so that would smear the address if he wasn't careful. There were no other assignments for him that night, he was free to check up on what his father had been doing in the past few years. That was exactly what he planned on doing.

Lifting his sword, Kenshin prepared to leave. He told himself he wouldn't kill his father tonight; he'd give the corrupt pig another chance, and scare him out of his wits first. If that didn't get him to change, then Kenshin would kill him.

But, he couldn't promise anything if he caught his father in the middle of an act that night. Knowing him, his father was like anyone else in Kyoto at the time; surrounded by a bunch of bodyguards in order to constantly protect himself. If he had to, he'd slay them just to get in and see what was going on in the life of his father. His skills were honedhe could sneak up and sneak back out without being noticed if he tried to.

"Another assignment." Came the somber voice.

Kenshin turned. "You shouldn't be up this late, Tomoe."

"I'm sorry." She stated, linking her hands together before her and bowing her head. "I can't help it. I stay awake when you go out."

"Don't. You don't need to worry about me, only yourself."

Tomoe looked up at him and her sadness was plain as day. "I wish I could. But I've learned it's not as easy as you wish it to be."

"At least try."

She tentatively walked closer to him, her fingers outstretched to touch the scar that now marred his left cheek. He jerked away, but she insisted. "It's not bleeding. You won't be killing tonight, will you?"

Kenshin brought his hand up, touching the scar and placing his own hand over hers momentarily. It wasn't bleeding. He drew his hand down and jerked his head away from her gentle touch. Closing his eyes, he fisted his hands together.

"I didn't plan on it. But, still, you shouldn't touch me." He murmured. "Nothing about you should ever smell of blood again; use those hands for something more delicate, like they are suited for."

Nodding, Tomoe drew her hand back to her chest. "I think I can rest tonight knowing you will not be killing. Do be careful."

Turning, Kenshin burst out the door. There was no need to stay there any longer. She was making him soft. He couldn't be soft, not on the night that he would be seeing his father, the demon that destroyed his life, for the first time in seven years. He stormed quickly and silently through the streets and alleyways of the city.

* * *

Kyoto was unnervingly quiet that night, and that made Kenshin jumpier and put him on edge. The feeling that something wasn't right tugged at his subconscious, but he forced himself to ignore it. Feeling or not, he still had his swords and his speed. He turned a corner, and spotted the area that he would soon be entering. 

His father had splurged. His home was large, with lavish landscaping and a tall wall built around it like a fortress. Needing a better view, he climbed up into a tree and let his gaze fall down onto the lands and the home that was now owned by his father. He was disgusted at what he saw. The land wasalmost seething withguards, all of which would gush at the servants, or whores, for lack of a better word, as they walked by. Most of them seemed to be okay with the situation they were in, but there were a few who would fall behind, their heads bowed and their hands trying vainly to cover what they could. Their outfits weren't too revealing, but Kenshin could tell what they were by how flirtatious they were.

The men slowly filed back into the building,a fool move made by new recruits or drunken men. He took advantage of the moment and found a way around the large wooden fortress wall and into the grounds of his fathers land. He crouched by the windows, trying to find a room that his father would be in. He wasn't having any luck finding him anywhere.

A snapping caught Kenshin attention immediately, and his gaze flew from the window to the left of him. There stood a girl, her eyes wide and frightened. She fell back into the ground; she wasn't like the others, he could tell. She began to back away from him.

"Lord Himura, please, I beg of you, don't hurt me!" she cried. "I didn't mean to be walking around the grounds at night, I just got out of the bath late!"

Kenshin's gaze fell into a tighter slit, the anger lining his features. "Lord Himura?"

Her eyes softened and she began to cry. "You're not... Lord Shinta Himura?" she asked.

He shook his head. "No."

"Who are you then? You look... just like him."

"There is no time for explanations. What has he been doing here?"

"He is good to us..."

Kenshin sprung forward, trying to intimidate the woman without hurting her. "Don't lie to me. I know that's a lie."

"If I tell you, he'll kill me." She stated. "I don't..."

Kenshin's eyes flew to her wrists. Taking it in his hand, he observed the bruises that lined her skin. "How did you get these? It looks like rope burn."

"Punishment."

"Punishment?"

"I'm not even sure what I did wrong." She muttered. "I wouldn't be here if father hadn't of died..."

His gaze slipped from her wrist to her palms. Calluses, the kind that came from training with a sword. He looked up at the woman, and his heart constricted. She couldn't have been any older than him, even if thatshe appeared to be merely fifteen.

She looked so much like Akane.

"If I get you out of here, will you help me?" he questioned. "I'll get you away from here. I'm after yourlord's life, but I can't kill him now. I need help to do this."

"Who are you, though?" she questioned.

He bowed his head and then looked up. "The person he framed for the death of his family."

Author's Notes: Okay. So it's not how I expected it to come out, but I wrote, right? This would have been posted sooner, but my dad has been on call all weekend and I couldn't get online. Who do you think this woman is? I haven't actually given you a description or anything, but, just so you know, the plot is unfolding. Yes, there is a plot to this story. Yes, Sanosuke will be coming back in here eventually, I think. Yes, Katsura will send Kenshin off with Tomoe (sorry Kaoru fans! You know I'm a Kaoru fan, too. But trust me. This works for my plan). And……… that's all I can think of right now. I hope this was good to some point.

Love and hugs,

Crystal Renee


	9. Disappearing With the Wind

Disclaimer: I don't think trading everything I own could get me Kenshin. Sorry guys, but I do not own him.

Author's Notes: HELLO! ^___^ Oh yes. You're authoress STILL LIVES. She just has about 11 other stories she's working on at once. . Oh well. You forgive me, ne? I'm not exactly positive in what I'm gonna have happen in this chapter………. So we'll see, ne? The interlude to this chapter is by Fuel, and the song is called 'Won't Back Down (Bring You Hell)'.

**~Building the Hitokiri~**

*****Chapter 9- Disappearing With the Wind*****

****

**_'The shadows that you see (in the places that you sleep)_**

**_Are memories of me (better pray your soul to keep).'_**

            The winds picked up as the girl stared down before him, the shocked etched within her facial features. Kenshin kept his cold stare up at her as her mouth flew open and her hand over it. There had been so many lies to bury something so horrific, and the truth apparently hurt.

            "I knew it all along………" she muttered to herself. "There……… that's what he did to all the others………"

            Taking a quick standing position, Kenshin looked down at the girl. "Will you help me or not?"

            The girl nodded quickly. "I will. But……… I don't want to turn out like the rest."

            He looked at her. "No one will harm you were I'm taking you."

            She folded her hands neatly together on her lap as she knelt beside him, her saddened blue eyes gazing upon him momentarily after she gained enough courage to look up at him. Tentatively her hand reached toward his face and her fingers traced the line down across his face, her eyes gazing at it with sympathy. 

            "You're bleeding………" she told him softly. "You're bleeding for them……….."

            Kenshin yanked his head back away from her touch. Too much kindness that he didn't deserve, he began chanting in his head. This girl seemed more worried about his state of mind and well being than what was happening to her. The rope burns that marred the delicate skin of her wrists were fresh, but she ignored them. There was a light bruise across her neck, and a scar leading from her collarbone downward. He forced himself to avert his suspiciously wandering gaze.

            "Did I do something?" she questioned. "I know I don't have soft hands………"

            Kenshin shook his head. "Just tell me what he does to you."

            The girl looked at him, her midnight hair surrounding her body as a gentle breeze flew into the yard where they were talking. Her eyes fell to the dirty ground and she wrung her hands together. 

            "It's not safe here to speak." She told him. "He'll kill me. And then he'll kill you."

            He shook his head. "No one is going to kill Battousai anytime soon. What is your name?"

            Expecting sudden shock from the woman, he was surprised to not see her gaze chance in the slightest. "My name? K………"

            "Where is she? I want her in here now!" came a stern voice.

            The girl's hand flew to her neck and she stared over to the side out of fright, before turning her malevolent eyes to the man before her. Kenshin had picked on the call too, and he stood silently, grasping the young woman's arm tightly as he did. He motioned to the direction of the wall where the trees surrounded it. In his mind, Kenshin could see it as a hiding place. The girl shook her head indignantly, tears I her eyes. Kenshin persisted with a gentle, yet commanding, hiss.

            "Do you want to be caught?"

            She shook her head and ran off toward the trees, Kenshin directly on her heels. She hesitated before she turned and crouched behind one, her fear written out like a book upon her face.

            _'A book……… like the face of the man when I got this scar………'_ Kenshin muttered within his jumbled mind as he crouched next to the girl, his hand hovering maliciously above the hilt of his weapon. The guards of his corrupted and disputable father came clambering around the extravagantly large and luxurious lands, looking for any signs of the missing woman. 

            Hands reached for his shoulders and a shuddering body pressed tightly against him, cries muffled within the thickness of his haori and gi. Kenshin took the time to look behind him to see the terrified gaze of the young raven haired girl, staring back at him with unshed fiery tears of remorse. A quick inspection behind her proved to tell him the tale of why she hadn't wished to run directly behind the tree line.

            This was the place his father used for the undug graves of woman he had apparently punished. His heart twisted with a sick regret for the woman and new resolve for the disposal of his arrogant father. Had he not come, the woman clutching so vainly to his clothing would have ended up there with the women that littered the ground, their bodies nesting holes for all sorts of decomposers and scavengers. A rat burst from the neckline of one the doomed geishas and the girl jumped against him more, her fright obvious as her heart began to beat rougher against his back. Kenshin snarled inwardly at the sight of carnage around him, and he turned his attention back toward the guards.

            He had to admit that this woman had every right to be as terrified and horrified as she was. Normally he would have pulled away from her, but the sights and things she had gone through, he couldn't imagine, and he decided that even the coldest form of comfort was well wroth giving to her. The lack of safety and compassion that carved deep voids within his life had been buried deep, but the memories of the woman who tried to bring that upon him and their ultimate demise were vivid and biting. That was all he needed to find it within his chilled heart to allow the woman this small amount of comfort.

            "Find Kamiya. I need her back here. You know she is my favorite." The lustful voice came across the field.

            His voice hadn't changed in a single octave, Kenshin noted bitterly. Upon hearing her surname, the girl, Kamiya, let her tears flow and she bit her lower lips subconsciously in deeply concentrated and withheld fear. The emotions running through her eyes were obviously only the surface to her buried fear. The thought of that made Kenshin's heart twist into a painful angle before he could compose himself enough to retain himself from blindly attacking the reason for so much pain. This pain hadn't ended with him, though, it had been distributed upon many other unsuspecting people, and Kenshin couldn't help but pity the girl behind him.

            The tortures she went through, with a man as grotesquely minded as his father, he didn't wish to imagine. With ten years under his belt to plan new forms of beating, Kenshin was positive it was much worse than his memory allowed for him to recall. And that angered him more. If someone could perform acts that horrid, they didn't deserve to live.

            This was what he was fighting for. To protect the innocent from fates that weren't supposed to be bestowed upon them. He would bear the pain for them if it would help them escape the things they had no reason to experience. If he could save a life for every one he took, Kenshin thought, he would be doing the right thing.

            "Where is Kaoru?" came the voice again. "I want her!"

            "We're sorry, Himura-sama, but she doesn't appear to be anywhere around. Perhaps you overlooked her?" 

            "No. I know her face."

            The girl's grip increased against Kenshin's back.

            "But when I do find her, she will regret running off like this. In the morning, I want you to search the city for her. Find her and drag her back here." 

            Kenshin's hand fell away from the sword at his side as he awaited the guards departure. The girl continued to shudder against him, and his heart constricted. So many strange emotions were winding their way throughout his body, and he was scared of that fact. His compassion for this girl had increased after hearing his father's voice. All he wanted to do now was pull away from the tortures and terrors she experienced and take her to a safe haven.

            Maybe, Tomoe would take care of her.

            "Don't worry." He muttered softly. "Nothing will happen. Let's go."

***********

***********

            "Himura, you can't bring back a woman on every job you run out on." Came the voice of the Innkeeper. "I cannot house everyone."

            "She needs a room and a change of clothing."

            Soft footsteps padded into the room. 

"I'll take care of her. Come with me." came Tomoe's demure voice as she took a hold of Kaoru's arm. "I'll find you something more presentable and show you where you will be working."

Kaoru seemed reluctant to leave Kenshin's side, but at the reassuring glance he gave her, she allowed Tomoe to gently lead her away to a separate room. Kenshin kept his gaze upon the two women he had managed to rescue over the course of bloodshed and carving of bodies he had caused in the time he had spent within the Ishin Shishi. As much as he wanted to deny it, the few he had managed to save, namely those two, were the only thing driving him onward with the decision he had made to leave his master so long ago. 

Sometimes he started to ponder if that had been a wise decision. All the training he had been put through and the years of broken blisters and growing calluses had not been completed. And now here he was, killing people in order to uphold the success of the Ishin Shishi.

Had that truly been a good thing? Was he really protecting the innocent like he had wanted to do in the beginning?

Convincing himself not to ponder over such thoughts any longer, Kenshin led himself toward his room to rest for the remainder of the night, and hopefully well into the day. No meetings had been scheduled for them, and he was certain that Katsura wouldn't be prepared to force another assignment upon his already heavily burdened shoulders. That assurance placed a placid calm upon his soul, and after arranging himself in the normal position of his sword against his shoulder and his back against a stack of books, Kenshin feel into a state of comatose that he could easily awaken from.

**********

**********

            What would be his next course of action? When would he find himself upon the corrupted lands of his father again? When would he find himself upon the graveyard of so many women again?

            Could this anger within him ever fade?

            Kenshin had awoken much sooner than he would have liked to, and taking the time to explore the lands again, he remembered where he was. This place where he had dwelled as a hitokiri was the resting place of his sisters and mother. This was the place where his childhood was destroyed, where the abuse of a father reached its pinnacle. So many destructive memories spiraled around the trees and the grounds he stood in the center of. Secrets of a life that would never be revealed to the eyes of another lay dormant within these grounds, and Kenshin's anger caused him to bow his head and do something he hadn't done in years.

            He cried. 

            The tears weren't tears of sadness, and they weren't those of happiness. The salty tears that flew from his eyes were those of frustration, of anger. They were tears of hatred, tears of betrayal. Someplace that was supposed to be a safe haven had turned out to be a danger in his life. Had there ever been a time that he was truly safe?

            "How much longer will I have to carry this guilt?" he whispered to himself, his fists clenched tight enough to draw blood from his palm. "How much longer, Sakura? How much longer do I have to know that I was the only one who lived? Mother, how longer do I have to stand here and know that father is still doing the same things he did before, destroying more lives? Akane, how much longer do I have to beat myself up over being too weak to save you from that gun, being too scared to move from my spot and take the bullet for you? Why was I the only one who lived……… why wasn't it one of you? All of you?"

            Raising his head high, he blinked back at what remained of the frustrated, guilt driven tears that stained his face. "How much longer before I can finally avenge you, cause him the pain he did to me? How much longer do I have wait before I can finally put this behind me? Will you always be in my heart, tormenting me the way the lives of the men I take with this blade do? Will you become a ghost of the past the will never leave me? Sakura, Akane……… mother; I've tried so hard. I don't know what else to do anymore. Being seventeen with nowhere to run and nothing to lose is so hard. The only reason I've made it this far is my grudge and my vow to avenge you. When will I make that vow ring true? Can I? Can I risk it, knowing that the lives of the men here that fight alongside me, that the lives of Tomoe and Kaoru……… knowing that this one death could cause an uproar and destroy all hope of this war ever ending?"

            The stress of the options was becoming too great for him. His father deserved to die by his hand; he deserved to have the right to rip out the mans heart and squeeze it until the blood dripped empty. His father deserved the pains he had caused to the people Kenshin loved, that he was supposed to protect. The sins his father had committed were much larger and than those Kenshin had, and his father didn't even feel remorse for any of them.

            Could that ever be forgivable?

            The risk was too much. His father was an ally to the Ishin Shishi. The irony of that statement was ill conceived. Why? Would his murder of his father bring about a split in the Ishin Shishi's relations with other high ranking leaders and officials? Could this one thing he had promised himself be the ending of the reason he came to fight in the first place? Could he take the chance of every life he took being taken in vain?

            A decision had to be made that night. There were still things he had to question Kaoru about, but Tomoe had taken over her care like a mother and Kenshin hadn't had the heart to pry into affairs that vile in Kaoru's life just yet. He would need to that day, but for now, he decided, she needed to realize that she was safe here, safe under the protection that Katsura had granted her. 

            So many things to do before the day was done and not enough time to give them all proper consideration, Kenshin realized grimly. There were things he needed to solve tonight, problems he needed to confront. He wasn't frightened of anything anymore; death was becoming a welcomed gift. But he was still needed. He still had a promise to keep to himself, one to Tomoe, one to the Ishin Shishi, one to Kaoru. So many people to protect, and he was doing so with a confused blade.

            Could he still do this?

***********

***********

            Kaoru looked over at her attempt at making soba. Tomoe bustled with her own cooking next to her, and Kaoru frowned. She had never been an expert in the kitchen, but Tomoe had been polite enough to instruct her the entire way thus far with her new venture with cooking. She felt oddly forceful to ask for her help again.

            "Tomoe-san, I think I messed up again." Kaoru muttered remorsefully, moving away as Tomoe intervened.

            Tomoe graced her with a small, sympathetic smile. "I take you did not spend much time in the kitchen growing up, did you Kaoru-chan?"

            A blush crept upon her lips. "Hai. My mother died when I was young, so my father brought me up. I trained in kendo, not in the proper kitchen skills. My cooking is good enough for me, but I'm afraid it's not suitable enough to feed an army, Tomoe-san. After father died I had to feed myself, but my skills aren't as sharp as yours are."

            "Don't fret over it. You'll learn eventually." Tomoe assured her softly.  "I won't complain. How about you allow me to do the cooking, and you can clean the floors?"

            Kaoru smiled, glad she could still help. "That's something I can do. Do you think it's something like cleaning a drill hall?"

            "Exactly the same, Kaoru-chan." Tomoe answered.

            Turning to take hold of a bucket, Kaoru nearly jumped when she saw Kenshin standing in the doorway. 

            "Himura-san." She responded. "Can we help you?"

            "I need to speak with you if Tomoe doesn't have you busy at the moment." Kenshin told her. "I need to know what my father's been up to, and perhaps have a map of his home."

            Kaoru turned to Tomoe, who nodded slowly and motioned for her to go with Kenshin. Kaoru set down the bucket she had lifted and promised to get to cleaning the floors when she was finished before she caught up with Kenshin and followed him in the empty dining hall of the Inn.

            Motioning for her to settle herself at a small table, Kenshin awaited for her to sit before he himself followed in suit and sat across from her.

            "What do you need to know?" Kaoru questioned him, her hands fidgeting within her nervousness. "I'm not sure I can be of too much help."

            Kenshin reached across the table and took a gentle hold of her wrists. "Don't be so fidgety. Nothing is going to happen to you here, I promise you that much. Katsura-san has placed you under his own protection, so you'll be safe. I just need to know what you can tell me about what he's been doing as of late, and maybe draw me a small map of the inside of his home."

            "So you can plan an attack?" Kaoru guessed. "I know he tries to keep at least fifteen guards outside of his living quarters at all time, and two outside of his sleeping chambers."

            Her voice wavered slightly at the mention of the sleeping chambers, but Kenshin didn't pursue that part of his interrogation yet. The woman was still very shook up from her experience, he could see, and he didn't wish to frighten her anymore if that was at all possible. 

            "And just around the inside of the living space is about, maybe twenty or so guards. I never understood why he needed so many of them. I think he realized he was target or something of the sort." Kaoru continued softly. "On the corner of the land is the place where the geishas and prostitutes live. He calls for six a night, usually periodically. Some never return back the next day, and some do."

            Kenshin nodded slowly. "Can you describe the inside of his home?"

            Kaoru eyes fell down toward her hands, which she had clasped in her lap. "It's a western built home, with solid oak doors and walls. There is a kitchen, his sleeping quarters, a study, dining hall, and a few other rooms. He has a weaponry closet close to his room, and a dojo next to that inside of the building."

            "Okay."

            "On the other corner of the land is the shed where the tack for his horses is kept. Next to that is the stable, and then next to the fortress wall is sleeping quarters for the guards." She explained. "They periodically change shifts."

            "I'm sorry to have to ask you this, but where does the punishment take place?" Kenshin asked, motioning to the rope burns along her wrists and the bruise on her neck and now covered collarbone.

            Kaoru stiffened at the mention of it, but decided to answer Kenshin's question nonetheless. "He has a closet within his room. In there is a chair, which he ties the offending geisha or prostitute to. You're lucky if you just get away with a punishment from the chair."

            "What does he do?"

            She shut her eyes and shook her head. The memories flashed within her mind, and she unconsciously held the table within her grip. Kenshin's guilt rose, but he had to know what his father was doing to her and the other doomed women within his own little fortress of a home. 

            "Kaoru, you have to answer me. I don't mean to pry, but I need to know." He told her. "If he's still abusing like he used to do to my family and myself, then I need to get rid of him now."

            Her eyes flashed up to Kenshin's face and tears began to threaten to build within her eyes. "In the chair, it's mostly just whipping. He ties you to the chair, and whips you, maybe smacks you a few times. Otherwise……… if you do something he doesn't like……… while……… he has been known to take a knife to you."

            _'A knife, just like with mother………'_ "Okay."

            "But……… he never kills them in the same way." She shuddered. "Never in the same. Each time its worse and more bloody, and each time he smiles."

            "He smiles." Kenshin grit out angrily.

            "He's not going to be easy to get to." Kaoru mumbled. "He………"

            He placed a hand awkwardly upon her shoulder. "I can get through to him, don't worry. I made a promise long ago to avenge my family and make him suffer for what he did to us. My reasons just increased. If that's how he's been treating all these other women, then………"

            "He picks them up off the streets." Kaoru shuddered. "He meets you, invites you over, and then you are stuck there with him for life. He took me one day that way. Just off of the streets. He invited me to eat dinner with him while we overlooked the will my father left me."

            "A dirty trick." Kenshin mumbled. "Did you discuss the will?"

            "We never even ate. His guards led me to his chambers." Kaoru answered, her voice starting to crack.

            "Don't finish Kaoru." Kenshin stopped her. "You don't need to explain anymore to me. Go find Tomoe, and stay with her. I have something I have to do."

            Kaoru nodded and stood, nearly running out of the hall and back to the kitchen where Tomoe last was. Kenshin never moved from his position while he thought about his next course of action. The question was no longer if he could risk taking this chance and destroying his father.

            The question was now, how was he going to do it.

Author's Notes: YAY! This chapter was longer than the other, but, it also took longer to post. I apologize! __ I didn't meant to take so long! Please review and let me know if this was good. And be sure to tell me about how annoying it was to wait for me to update! ^__^

Love and hugs,

Crystal Renee


	10. Road to Otsu

Disclaimer: No. Plain and simple. Wait. Yes I do. No. Wait. I don't. STOP CONFUSING ME!!

Author's Notes: Okay, I am OFFICALLY stuck in a HUGE bout of writers block and I am sincerely sorry for that.  It's hit all my stories, and I think it's because I'm bent on finishing 'Silhouettes of Shadows' NOW. This chapter is NOT for those of you who DESPISE Tomoe. If you can accept her, go ahead and read. I'm not going to stop you from flaming me because she's in this chapter, or because of how I end it, if you're a Tomoe fan. BUT understand it is REQUIRED for the story. That's all I have to say. On with the chapter!! Oh yeah, the interlude is by Smile Empty Soul, called 'With This Knife'.

**~Building the Hitokiri~**

*****Chapter 10- Road to ****Otsu*********

****

'I let myself fall into a lie, I let my walls come down 

**_I let myself smile and feel alive, I let my walls come down_**

**_No matter how I try, I don't know why you pushed so far away_**

You wrapped your hands tight around my heart, and squeezed it full of pain' 

The motions of the weeks and months that had passed since his last confrontation with his father had been long, stressful, and uneventful. Kenshin's mind reeled as he tried to remember everything that had occurred. It had all gone so fast and left him at a loss of serenity, of completeness. He'd never been able to get to his father in time before the Shinsengumi had taken a stronghold of Kyoto, and justly, Katsura had sent him off to remain safe until there would be a calling for his blade and hands once more.

            Everything was a blur the more he ran it over within his confused state of mind, and only the present was clear. He was living Otsu with Tomoe, where he had been sent to disguise himself as a married man, an apothecary ironically enough, so he would remain safe until he could once more return to the blood lusting grounds of Kyoto. Kenshin had attempted many times re-run the events of that, but there was always one fact confused him. It scratched at the edge of his senses, screaming out in a silent plea that something just was not right about his new, happy arrangement of married life with Tomoe, far away from the cries of blades and the slices of sounds made by dying men.

            Something about this just wasn't right.

~Flashback~

            Screams from the streets alerted Kenshin and Tomoe to the stress and problems within the festival. Tomoe had kindly and demurely asked him to escort her to the festival that night, and he had done so without much of a thought. Their conversation had been nice and light, but the sounds of swords attacking each other in carnal hunger destroyed the moment.

            "Lets get out." Kenshin stated. "We'll use the back."

            Tomoe nodded and soon found Kenshin's hand gripping her wrist tightly, pulling her toward the back exit of the dimly lit restaurant. Kenshin pulled them both close to the walls of the building until he could scan the area for threats. Sensing none, he began again to pound them through the hoards of people until they found themselves within the strangely empty company of Iizuka. 

            "You need to get to that meeting, Himura." Iizuka stated roughly. "The Shinsengumi have invaded the city, and Mibu's wolves are headed directly for the meeting, hoping to destroy our leaders."

            Kenshin nodded.

            "We were supposed to tell our loved ones to leave Kyoto tonight." Iizuka continued softly. "They plan on burning the city to the ground tonight. It's much too dangerous for us here."

            "I will be fine." Kenshin nodded curtly.

            "How about the woman?" Iizuka questioned, nodding toward Tomoe. "Or the girl?"

            "Kaoru can get out on her own." Kenshin responded. "And since Tomoe is with me, I will be sure that she leaves the city safely."

            Iizuka nodded toward Kenshin and then Tomoe before he fled away from the scene. Gripping her arm tightly, Kenshin continued to lead Tomoe on toward the imminent fight, weaving his way through the hidden and disgraceful alleys of the city. Keeping up the quick pace, Kenshin twisted around a corner and discovered a small squad of Shinsengumi members staring back toward him. 

            "You should turn and run." Kenshin said softly to Tomoe, his eyes trained upon the men before him and his hand shooting toward his sword.

            In a quick motion, Tomoe had taken his hand in her own. "I am your sheath; I am destined to remain with you."

            "You'll die." He stated obstinately.

            "By your side." She told him softly. "For I will have seen you kill………"

            Kenshin pushed her back lightly, standing protectively before the woman. She gasped, but Kenshin refused to take heed of her small voice at that moment. He pulled out his sword and held it horizontally before him, staring toward the men with distaste for their reasons and the fact that they would all be littering the ground and watering it with their blood sooner than they led themselves to believe.

            "Drop your swords!"

            Their response was to recite the code of the samurai. Shooting off toward them without much more hesitation, Kenshin brought his sword into an offensive movement, cleanly slicing through the first man and bayoneting the second. Taking his sword and forcing it to the side, the man fell off and landed roughly agaisnt the wall next to him, sliding down and leaving a trail to tell his tale of doom as he did. Another member from the squad bolted toward Kenshin, and Kenshin's sword hit him at the junction of his neck and ear line, skillfully swiping his face directly from his head until it landed on the ground like a used, bloody rag. Twisting his body in a sharp sprint, the next man fell with a cut directly from his shoulder to his hip. 

            The last man awaited Kenshin to charge, and then attempted fruitlessly to counter the attack. Kenshin's blade found its resting place within the man's chest cavity, pinning him to the wall until Kenshin allowed the sword to fall out again and the man to drop unceremoniously to the floor.

            Taking his eyes off of the carnage he created, Kenshin gazed over toward Tomoe, who was still standing in shock on the other end of the battlefield, this time unmarred by the spraying of blood. Her eyes pleaded with him to help her find a way to get over the field of body parts and fluids, and she didn't move from her scared position. Kenshin took cautious steps until he was next to her, and they fled off down another alleyway, one closer toward the building that would be holding the meeting.

            Stepping silently agaisnt the wall and peering over the edge, Kenshin mentally began counting all of the Shinsengumi members standing outside the small Inn. They were flowing out of the doorways, dragging bodies of their comrades and communicating about the dead Ishin Shishi leaders and guards within. Keeping his ears trained for the name of the man that Kenshin served under, more men seeped from the building, blood dripping from still drawn swords and soaked clothing.

            "Katsura has escaped." One of them stated.

            "The assassin wasn't sighted either."

            Preparing for attack, he felt a small and gentle hand take his, shaking with fear and unasked pleas. Kenshin glanced over his shoulder, eyes widening at the terror upon Tomoe's usually sad face as she shook her head in a plea for him not to kill again that night. He nodded to her, showing he would accept her wishes for the moment. Tomoe pulled on his arm and led him across the open way, taking off toward the Inn where they had been living for the past month. 

            The doors flew open, and the mistress stood there, holding Tomoe's umbrella and other parcels expectantly.

            "Go. It's too dangerous here."  She stated quickly, handing the umbrella to Kenshin and the parcel to Tomoe. "Now go out the back!"

            The couple bowed before leaping through the back doorway and sneaking out through the gate. They took cautious steps until a sound alerted them to another person leaving the gate. Kenshin turned to face the person who was approaching, and was surprised to see Kaoru standing their in a purple kimono and yellow obi, shaking slightly as she held a small book in her hands.

            "You're leaving, too?" Tomoe questioned. "You shouldn't remain here, Kaoru-chan."

            Kaoru shook her head. "No, Tomoe-san. I just came to give you this. Katsura has told me to remain here."

            Taking her time to slowly approach them, Kaoru handed Tomoe the book. Tomoe smiled at the girl before tucking it with her shawl, hiding the words written within from sight. Kenshin watched the two women interact with one another before looking up at Kaoru on her own. The girl was obviously frightened, but she hid it well as she pulled her hands toward her lap, holding them together roughly.

            "You will remain safe. I'm certain Katsura has a reason for asking you to stay." Kenshin told her.

            "Wait. Don't go yet." Kaoru stated suddenly. "Katsura had to leave suddenly, and he asked me to deliver this message to you. He has arranged a safe house for you and Tomoe in Otsu."  
  


            "I would like for you to live there as husband and wife." Katsura finished coming up next to Kaoru. "They are looking for an assassin, not for a happily married man."

            Kenshin looked at Katsura and then averted his gaze to Tomoe, who appeared to be equally as surprised as he was. The words had shot straight to the core; that was not something Kenshin had been expecting. His only job toward the annihilation of Shougonate was that of a hitokiri; he hadn't planned on marrying. Tomoe tensed, but kept her position close beside Kenshin.

            "Kaoru-chan will wait here for you to return; she will remain under my care." Katsura responded. "Now you two must go. Thank you, Tomoe."

            Turning to leave, Katsura walked down the opposite direction of the alley. Kaoru's eyes flew between the two directions before she ran up to Tomoe and took a hold of her hand.

            "Take care, Tomoe-san. We shall see each other again and you can finish teaching me how to cook soba!" Kaoru stated brightly. "I will miss you!"

            Tomoe nodded, a small smile flying over her lips. Kaoru bowed to Kenshin, not saying a word, and then turned and jogged in an attempt to catch up with Katsura. Keeping his eyes upon the woman who was to become his wife in a deep cover up scheme, Kenshin allowed his gruff exterior to soften slightly.

            "We will do as he says. Let's go."

~ End Flashback ~

            It was confusing. Why had Katsura taken to keeping Kaoru in Kyoto, directly within the heat of the battle, but sent Tomoe and himself away from the fires? He had lost much sleep over that question, but some questions never came up with answers, he realized mutely.

            "Here's dinner." Came Tomoe's voice, intruding within his thoughts.

            Looking up from the floor, Kenshin smiled at her. He experienced odd emotions whenever Tomoe was near; it was like his heart leapt up in chest, and a warmth befell his body. But something had been bothering her that night, ever since her younger brother had turned up to greet her. It baffled him to see her so open with emotions; she had never been an open book.

            "Is something bothering you?" he questioned, looking at her with eyes filled with a softness he hadn't realized he had been capable of.

            Tearing her gaze away from the meal before her, Tomoe turned her head slowly to look at him. 

            And then, in a waterfall of emotion, everything she had kept from him, everything she hadn't wanted to admit, came forth, sending both into a moment of bliss, vulnerability, and a sea of promises. A reluctant couple became one, tied together by emotions neither admitted.

            That was the last peace filled night either would experience.

Author's Note: Sorry this is a really bad chapter. ^__^ I felt so bad about my lack of updating. Don't forget to review, please!

Love and hugs—

Crystal Renee


	11. Scratching Away

Disclaimer:  I still do not own Kenshin. I don't. Really. I swear!!

Author's Notes: Okay. This is really really hard. I mean, extremely rough. But I am trying very hard to make the chapter good and give Tomoe's character a new flavor that I've been lacking in giving her as I've been writing. So thanks to Maeve Riannon for helping to come up with the substance for this chapter. Also, thank you to Shinji Ikari for pointing out different angles with which I still needed to send my chapters. I owe you a lot for that! Also, because of the difficulty I have with writing Tomoe's character and all the other things that have been happening, this chapter too longer to write than I had originally anticipated. The interlude to this chapter is by The Ataris, and the song is called 'My Reply'.

**Building the Hitokiri**

**Chapter 11- Scratching Away**

**'These arms remain stretched out to you**

**_Maybe someday you'll accept them_**

**_Or maybe it's too late to save_**

A young girl's heart that's long stopped beating' 

            They sat together, Kenshin silently finishing his dinner while Tomoe cleaned up her own meal area. Neither one spoke much at the moment; both of them were lost within their own sea of troubled thoughts and wanderingmusings. The silence was uneasy in the room, causing discomfort for Tomoe. Kenshin normally would have made a comment by now, and she was a little apprehensive to break the silence on her own; it wouldn't have been the first time she'd done so, but it seemed like this silence she was suffocating in was filled with raging emotions from Kenshin's being.

            Gathering her nerves, she finally was capable of asking the one question that had been haunting her the entire evening. "What are you thinking, Kenshin?"

            The sound of her voice echoed in Kenshin's mind and rattled him out of his river of broodings. Glancing down at the half eaten array of food before him, his eyes changed from glossy and blank to saddened and embittered. Tomoe folded her legs beneath herself and sat next to him, patiently awaiting his response while deducing her own reasons for his stange actions.

            "If this is about how Enishi reacted to you, I apologize for him. He still has such childish reactions…………"

            Kenshin shook his head. "It's not that; I can understand why he acted the way he did toward me. I myself had an older sister; if I were to come to visit her and find out she was married, I'd probably be angry as well."

            "You've never spoken of your family before." She responded lightly. "Neither one of us has ever mentioned our families."

            "My mother used to cook this same exact meal. That was what I was thinking about, my mother." Kenshin answered, unconciously fisting his hands together. "I wish I would have done more instead of just sittingthere like a coward………"

            Tomoe blinked a few times, trying to register Kenshin's sudden change in attitude. She couldn't remember ever sensing such a large amount of anger surfacing from him; he'd always been so gentle around her. It wasn't that she felt intimidated by his newly surfaced emotions, it was simply the fact that this new territory she was finding herself traveling upon in their relationship was extremely foreign to her. She was having difficultly trying to figure out how she should react.

            "He killed them, you know." Kenshin continued, lifting his eyes up to her. "He slaughtered them right in front of me."

            "Who?"

            "My father. He killed my sisters and my mother. I was the only one who could get out in time." He answered slowly. "Then**, **itwas when I met Hiko-sensei and began to train. I've been living my life in an attempt to seek vengance for the deaths of the only people who ever cared about me; I've been trying since I was young to become strong enough. In my mind, I thought that everything would become right if I could just hunt him down and kill him. He's been living in luxury ever since, and it makes me so angry to know that all his crimes are overlooked. That's why I became a hitokiri; if I couldn't avenge my family, than at least I could stop evil before it destroyed more families the way it did my own."

            As her eyes widened, Tomoe felt her heartbeat increase. Everything he was saying hit close to home with her. He came to Kyoto in hopes of satisfying his need for revenge, just as she had. Kenshin had become a hitokiri for the soul purpose of destroying the man who had obliterated his family and happiness, which was the same exact reason why Tomoe had allowed herself to become a pawn of the Shogunate in order to hunt Kenshin down. He was so much more like her than she had originally anticipated……… ****

            "You and I, we truly are not that much different." she stated, fisting her hands into her kimono. "I too, harbor deep secrets. I was engaged to a man; he was a swordsman, much like you. He came to Kyoto to fight for the Shogunate, and he also lost his life in the process. He came here, thinking that I didn't love him enough and that he had to impress me before we could be married. That's why I left Edo; I came to Kyoto looking for the man who had killed my bethrothed, to avenge his death. But I have long since given up on that goal; within myself, I am too weak to continue on with so much hatred." ****

            Turning her tear filled eyes up toward Kenshin, she suddenly felt so much shame for believing she could have killed him.Living together with him had transformed her heart in so many different ways! Life with Kenshin had taught her so many lessons and taught her how to open up to a world she had closed off, andshe had discovered the salvation she could have if she would only allow herself to love once more. In that sense she felt indebted to him;  having been with Kenshin, she had slowly began to learn how to live once again instead of simply existing.

            "Tomoe……… I'm sorry." She heard him say as her gaze fell to her hands.

            "Kenshin, how long are we going to be able to live like this? I mean, how long will we able to live peacefully like we are now?" she asked him. "How much longer until they'll request your abilities in the rebellion once more?"

            Kenshin allowed himself to blink in surprise a few times. Her request seemed so desperate. "Hopefully, for a while longer. But……… do you remember, when you told me that I could stop killing if I truly decided I didn't want to anymore? When the war is over, I will put up my sword and stop killing. Until then, I still have a duty……… but I promise that I will stop. And until then, I will protect you."

            She smiled lightly at him, irony settling deeply within her. "And I shall remain here with you." ****

            "You're going to stay with me, Tomoe?" Kenshin questioned, sounding utterly surprised. "When all of this is over, you will remain with me?"

            "I shall." She answered sincerely.

            _'For as long as I can……… in that comes my final duty of saving your life so you can truly escape these wicked demons that have rested within your soul.__ I am the one protecting you……… and until I have done my part, I cannot allow you to protect me.'_

            "Why are you still crying?"

            Tomoe's hand reached up to her eyes, feeling the moisture that hadn't stopped falling from her eyes.  As much as she tried, she couldn't keep her tears from continuing down her cheeks and onto the white of her kimono. ****

            The confusion in her heart was extreme.Kiyosato and Kenshin were two completely different men, from two different sides of a revolution and two different times of her life. One of them was dead and the other was alive, yet she loved them both feverously and with an intensity she had never imagined she could feel. Could she possibly forget Kiyosato long enough to allow herself to be happy with Kenshin? Her heart was torn into two different directions, each leading to the same answer. ****

            "I……… I don't know………." She responded, her eyes completely clouding over. "I don't know……….."

            Feeling ultimately lost at the sight of her distress, Kenshin fought inwardly with himself. What could he say that would calm the storm raging with in her, what could he do to help stop the tears she was shedding? There was nothing that he could say to her if, as he realised, she was crying for reasons that she herself didn´t understand. There wasn't much he could do but shelter her.

            Tomoe was sent out of her abyss of confusion and thought when she felt Kenshin's arms wrap themselves around her, gently drawing her closer toward him in a protective embrace. She leaned back into him, allowing the safety and solace she felt to soothe her being. There were so many more things she wanted to tell Kenshin, but she knew she could never admit them with her own voice, so she settled for the only response she could say.

            "Thank you."

Tomoe's tears fell slowly as she travelled down the snowcovered pathway, blinking agaisnt the snowflakes that began to float into her eyes. The chill of the air was biting, nipping at her skin through the thin cloth of her pristine white kimono. Everything was confusing now, so many raging emotions twisting around within her mind, trying to take control of her heart. The inner turmoil caused her tears to fall quicker, bursting out of her eyes and down onto the snow as she travelled.

            It had been so difficult to leave her home that morning, andthe letter she had left behind to keep Kenshin's anxiety to a low level had been even harder to compose. She had no idea how he would react when he realised where she was going and why, especially when he found out who was going to be there. But she had no choice. He had a right to know what was happening and to decide for himself his own course of action. The words she had written were true, even if the writing had managed to become more illegible with each line she wrote.

            She had never been so confused in her life, where everywhere she turned, there was a correct answer, and a taunting voice that told her of the reasons why she should never turn down that path. Honor weighed heavily upon her being; she was a Yukishiro, and she had been in love with Kiyosato, she had a right to avenge him………

            But Kenshin………

Tomoe pushed her small feet forward, stubbornly ignoring the voice inside her that screamed for her to turn back and embrace her new fate, the voice that cried out for the unsual comfort within Kenshin's watchful gaze. He hid absolutely nothing from her, and his innocence and insecurity drew her toward him. Even underneath the blood that soaked his being, and the tormented past he had attempted to keep hidden, there was a side of him that wanted nothing but for someone to envelope him with love and understanding.

            How she wanted that someone to be herself. Tomoe knew Kenshin had extreme feelings concerning her; the emotions he felt were always so strong, and he zealously attempted to hide them from her, as if thinking he was protecting her. ButShe knew better. Everything he did since they arrived at Otsu revolved around making her happy or making her feel comfortable; he seemed afraid of upseting her. Despite the deeply rooted dispair within her, Tomoe managed a small smile.****

            But she still owed everything to Kiyosato; he died trying to impress her. She could no longer kill the person who stole her happiness; now, it was him that kept her living, allowed her to remain sane and disrupt the broodings she sometimes fell into. How could she choose between the two? One was dead, and the other was alive. One was a hitokiri, the other was a bodyguard honorably attempting to protect his lord. The hitokiri had killed the bodyguard, but the guard had left a scar much deeper upon him than the ones dealt upon himself.

            Kenshin still suffered with Kiyosato's memory and continous bleeding that befell his scar; Tomoe suffered with the fact that although she had been sent to help kill Kenshin, now she was falling in love with him. Had she not been a proper lady, she would have cursed herself aloud.****

            She had made her decision.

            The more she neared the small shrine that would contain Tatsumi, the more prominenther foreboding sixth sense became. She felt the danger that was lurking beyond the light, sliding wooden doors, yet she drew herself onward, closer to the inevitable.

            _'When you awake, I will not be here. Don't worry about me, Kenshin, I don't plan on being gone for long. There are just a few things that I need to finish and close off from my past before they come back to haunt me._

_            Do you remember, when I said I came to __Kyoto__ to kill the man who destroyed my fiancee? My fiancee's name was Kiyosato, and he was murdered on a bodyguard assignment by you. I came here believing that I could……… believing that I could destroy you and correct my own mistakes._

_            Now, however, I see I can't. I met you, hoping that I could continue hating you and not turn my hatred inward to the one it was supposed to be aimed at. But I've lost the ability to hate you; being around you has changed my heart as much as the seasons, and now the hatred I felt had become something much different. I told myself I could never love anyone again, but you ripped that idea to shreds._

_            You have taught me how to………_

_            There is something you must know; I left to stop an attack that was to be sent upon you today. That was why Enishi came yesterday, to alert me to the fact that the attack's date had been pushed forward without my word. I'm going to try to convince Tatsumi to stop, to save you. Iizuka is the spy that has been passing information from the Ishin Shishi to the Shogunate armies as to your identies; but there was also another spy.Your father has been capable of sending information on the Ishin Shishi to them as well. Tatsumi and your father want you dead, that is why I'm going to try and change their minds. You do not need to die yet; there is so much that you've been denied in this life, and I will not allow anyone to steal that from you.****_

_            There is more to this, but I do not have the strength to write it out to you now. My diary will explain it to you, so do read it. Still, realize that my emotions have changed so much from the beginning entries. You have taught me me how to love again.'_

The paper was blotted with crossed out words and running ink, but the words stuck out and hit Kenshin deeply as he read them. Tomoe had been plotting against him, but she hadchanged her mind. She had fallen in love with him, as he had been falling in love with her, even though that emotion had been forbidden from the beginning. He had destroyedher life, and yet she still was trying to protect him.

            There were so many secrets and so many lies; but the raw emotion present in Tomoe's letter was enough to tell Kenshin her true intentions. But he felt anger toward her still; she was walking into a trap and did not even realize it. If his father was there and a part of all this, then there was much more to the plan than she was being told, and she was in more jeopardy than himself.

Without even taking the time to think, Kenshin dressed quickly, taking a hold of his katana and wakizashi in a single movement**. **Bounding out the door of his home, he looked down into the snow for Tomoe's footprints. They would lead him as far as he needed to go. The rage within him built with each step, clouding his mind with deeply rooted hatred.

            If anything happened to Tomoe, and if was his father´s cause……….

Then Kenshin would not rest until he was dead.

Author's Notes:  Well, yes, this is kind of short for how long it took me to write and I apologize, but it was a last minute decision on my part to separate the substance of this chapter into two different parts. Thanks to Maeve Riannon for agreeing to help me edit the chapter, it means a lot. Now everyone else, please do let me know what you think.

Love and hugs—

Crystal Renee


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